Mediocre At Best

I entered some photos in the county fair. I entered the Advanced category because it said it was for people who have made money from photography. I haven't made much yet, but I have been paid for my work and I know I will continue to build clients.

The fair thing is new to me. I had brain farts trying to recall how the fair entries looked. The book was minimal help. I googled other fair entries and hoped for the best. Sunday, I took my 4 entries to the 4H building and was schooled in photography entry into the fair. It was mostly painless but I still felt like an idiot. Next year will be better. I think.

So my photos were submitted. I did the best I could with my limited fair knowledge. WTH are hangers with holes? I thought I had it figured out and got there and was told to use ugly clips to hang my photos. Probably a part of the discount on presentation. :(

I went last night to see the results of the judging. I won ribbons for all 4 of my photos I submitted. Sounds impressive until you learn that there were only 2 or 3 photos entered in 3 of the 4 categories I entered. So really, it's kind of sad. I was last place in 2 of 4, I think. It's hard to judge how good or bad you are when there is really no competition. I will submit again next year and will know more about what I need to do; more about what I should submit.

I had a decent showing my first year. Next year? Watch out!

It's a Small, Small, World and Also? I Haz Issues

The popularity of Facebook has amazed me in many ways. When I first joined at the urging of my (several years younger) cousin, (when? At least 5 years ago? Not sure.) I was completely clueless about what was supposed to happen and exactly why I wanted to be there. I remember asking my cousin (on Facebook) when the fun would begin. (Am I supposed to "poke" someone? Am I supposed to "like" it?) I gave it some time and slowly figured it out, much the same way my love affair (love-hate affair?) with Twitter developed.

Through Facebook I reconnected with people I never thought I would. I have moments of defensiveness when I "unfriend" and perhaps "block" people or simply decide I will never "friend" so-and-so, but for the most part I am open to whomever wants to connect. I am often surprised by the results.

I have found people I have met in my life at different points also know one another. This happens often. Shockingly often.

I have met high school classmates as adults and connected as we never did in school. I've discovered wonderful people that I've "known" for years but never really knew...and I still don't know well but we're starting over. We share history even if it is parallel history. I'm learning I went to school with fantastic people (and probably some not-so-fantastic ones but I'm not in contact with them). I feel a little regret for my high school years. I was in my own world, perhaps I will write about that sometime.

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One of those friends recently told me she can tell I keep a lot of things secret and I carry my friends' and family's worries on my shoulders. And she was completely right. I share a lot here, but there is much I keep. My friends? I am a Taurus (stooooopid Zodiac reassignment...sorry but I am a Taurus and always will be a Taurus.) so that means I am stubborn. Being a Taurus also means I am an incredibly loyal friend. Being a loyal friend to me often means taking on the problems of those around me.

It is not healthy...the taking on of others' problems. I've always known that, but it has done little to change things. I worry...but rarely about the little things.

What is better? Worrying about things that probably won't happen that the consequences are minuscule or worrying about things you already know are in progress but you have little control over? Clearly no worries would be ideal.

So I am working on developing a bubble around my heart. It is easier said than done when friends are losing loved ones and hearing devastating diagnoses.

In the real world I speak little. (Though my brother finds this inconceivable and hilarious.) Several people have told me that when I speak my words are valuable. I've often thought they were blowing sunshine up my rear end.

I haz issues...but if you've read my blog for any amount of time (what? 2 times? I totally hide my issues!) you already knew that. When people say nice things about me I am skeptical. I harbor secrets even as I share too much. I punish my body for my good fortune.

What?

In the great scheme of things I am remarkably lucky. I have a fantastic relationship with most of my family. I have a great support network, both in real life and online. I've had three successful pregnancies and have three healthy children. I have a husband that loves me despite my foibles. We have a home that we recently added to and made fit our family even better than it did before.

I miss those family members we have lost.


I worry about those who are troubled. (Including myself.)


In the last few weeks I've begun to recognize all the ways I punish myself for my good fortune. I am fat so that others will see that I am not as lucky as I really am. In my mind, I can't be happy and healthy and beautiful so I sabotage myself. I can't be so lucky as to have a fantastic husband who loves me despite my issues. I can't be so lucky as to have had three healthy children who are compassionate, smart, gorgeous and loving.

My issues don't allow me to be happy.

But I am. I am happy but I still punish myself for being happy. So my issues include not allowing myself to be happy without punishing my body. Because if I really look at it, if I punish my body so much I am going to make my kids learn to deal with life without their mom. That's not punishing me, that's punishing them. I hate that.

I punish myself for my past. I've made poor decisions. I feel responsibility for things that happened to me.


I need to offer myself forgiveness. And that bubble around my heart.

Science and Crafts

We went to the library yesterday. I'm a little ashamed to admit that it has been many months since we have set foot inside the quiet building. I tried to take my kids at various points when they were younger with varying success. My son typically had trouble keeping his voice down and keeping his body in check (i.e. not jumping, running, climbing, what-have-you). Both of the older kids got their own library cards just before they entered Kindergarten. I thought it was a fitting rite of passage that I will continue when D is about to start as well (sob!).

After probably a one-year hiatus, we brought back the FUN BOX for this break from school. We've done more than one thing most days this time. So far this break we've done things such as going to see an "Ice Age" exhibit at a local nature center, bought stickers at the dollar store, traced one another on the big roll of newsprint paper we have, built a fort, and ate dessert before supper (one scoop of ice cream at about 3 p.m.).

Yesterday we were supposed to visit the library bookstore which translated into also visiting the library. It went surprisingly well. We may actually be able to return to regular library visits. The book store yielded a few American Girl finds such as Hair, which, with the length of M's hair will be really fun to try new styles. K Man, with his love of tinkering and creating, found some science experiment books. I'll be honest. This aspect scared me to no end. BUT. It seems to be fine. So far.

D got a board book and she was happy because she is just that kind of girl.

When we entered the library itself I was wary. Numerous question and answer periods had prefaced our entrance (with all the right answers so I knew they knew what was expected ... with the exception of D of course). I took a deep breath and we entered.

And it was wonderful. We went to the computer to search for what the big kids wanted. (M, American Girl activity books, K...science experiment books.) They each waited patiently while the other searched and wrote down the location of their choices. (D, as she almost always is, was more patient than any 22-month-old in history.)

We had a lesson in the Dewey decimal system. (They don't teach that in school anymore?) The kids found some great books. We spent the afternoon after lunch and D's nap doing experiments and crafts.

It reaffirmed my knowledge that my children are intelligent, curious, unique and utterly amazing creatures. I only hope that most people they encounter believe the same.

Listening on an Almost-Spring Day

The squawk, then the thunderous knocking of the Pileated woodpecker drowns all other sound for only a moment before the titters of the nuthatch and the chickadee calling its name return.

Soft applause of wind whispering through leaves beckons, highway noise umuted by lack of foliage brings a smile and my son's joyful song as he plays, coatless, for the first time in months...all signs that Spring is coming and not a moment too soon.

I Want That Too

We pause in the doorway, me to grab a bulletin, K to grab an activity bag except for K it's longer than a pause because he is smart enough to check the bag before he selects one. After a search of all ten bags he locates one with a precious few 3 sheets of paper left. The others have no paper. Paper is crucial.

Entering the sanctuary, I steer K down the side aisle to a pew about halfway back. I want an aisle seat because it's the easiest seat for me to be able to shift right and left in order to get a clear view of the choir. M is singing. I think I preferred it when M and K were in the same choir. We only had to go to church once a month then. (Yeah, I know we should go every week but we don't and that's what works for us.)

Every time I usher K to a pew I have flashbacks of him as a toddler and as a rambunctious preschooler who could not sit still at all. I received many glares and even some snide comments from some of the congregation during those years and I somehow failed to notice how much he has grown up.

We sit and he immediately sets to work writing. I stand and sing the first hymn while he kneels, using the seat as a desk. He's asking me questions in a slightly louder than stage-whisper voice, typical for him to be unable to regulate his volume. I shush and place my finger silently over my lips periodically. He is undeterred. He wants his questions answered. I answer some and shake my head at others.

During the reading I glance at K. He smiles broadly.

**Mama? Can you write something for me?** Again, a little too loudly for my taste. I start to shake my head again when I notice he's holding out a prayer card.

**What do you want me to write?**

**Please keep my family safe and warm.**

I hug him right then. Heart. Of. Gold.

I write his prayer and tell him to sign his name. When the pastor calls the kids up for Children's Time, K happily hands the pastor his card. Following Children's Time, K heads to an activity room with the other younger kids while the adults remain for the rest of the service. He doesn't hear the pastor read his prayer in the service, and the pastor knows he's not in the sanctuary to hear it but he reads K's prayer for him anyway.

I'm proud.

The Amazing in the Everyday

My mind and reality haven't been jiving for several months with regard to Ms. D. In my mind she is still a 12-month-old, still not 20 pounds and just learning to walk.

Somewhere along the way she's become a real toddler, not only walking with confidence, but running to get to those important toddler destinations: the couch, the plastic food container drawer, the stairs when someone leaves the gate open. At nearly 19 months old she's still only 23 pounds but she's starting to outgrow her 18-month sized pants-not in the waist, but in the legs.

She said nearly nothing for months until yesterday we were looking at the ornaments on the tree and playing with the blocks for her Incrediblock. I put the block with the cow on top of the big block. Cow! the block declared. D smiled, clearly delighted with this game. I pointed out the cow ornament on the tree. We made mooing sounds together.

I found another block that had a horse in it. Horse! Horsie! I exclaimed and neighed for D's benefit. She broke into a wide grin and toddled away, leaving me confused why she left the game that she was enjoying so much.

Then I saw what she was doing. She strode confidently on those legs that used to be so wobbly straight to her wooden rocking horse. Ha! She informed me. Of course it is! Another horse!

She made connection after connection finding another thing just like an ornament or like the things in her blocks, amazing me with her ingenuity.

This wasn't the first time she'd amazed me this week or even this month. She's soaking in information, processing it, mulling things over just waiting for the right moment to demonstrate her abilities.

That same Incrediblock played a wordless rendition of The Wheels on the Bus, which prompted D to wave at me and say bye bye. It took me only a moment to realize why. At the end of her toddler class (ECFE) we sing "the hands in our class all wave goodbye, wave goodbye, wave goodbye..." to the tune of The Wheels on the Bus. She's soaking it all in.

At that toddler class Monday, she tooted a couple of times and I thought she needed her diaper changed. I checked it and it was clean but D then took my hand and led me to the bathroom and pointed to the toilet. Joy to the World! Could I possibly have a child that will WANT to use the potty without driving me insane? I took her diaper off and got her on the potty but she immediately wanted down. I am hopeful though. One child who is easily trained would be wonderful.

Last weekend Craig was priming the walls in our master bedroom addition and took a break to turn on the bubble machine and watch the kids play and pop the bubbles. He was wearing his paint-splattered jeans and D took one look at him and headed to the kitchen. She returned to the living room momentarily, carrying a dish towel. She marched right over to her daddy and tried to clean the paint off of his jeans for him. Clearly she thought he'd spilled on himself and she was going to help him clean up his mess. The best part of that is that I was using the video camera to record the bubble action at the time so I have it on video.

All of my children have such beautiful hearts.

I Would Have Written a Lovely Post if I Wasn't BLOCKED

My writing muse is still absent. I had hopes to write about an experience my children and I had at a local store. It was going to be a lovely post, complete with simile and metaphor and carefully constructed scenes.

I would have opened telling you about how my kids were being pleasant, mostly because they were allowed to pick out a small toy. They were giggly and happy and bubbling with life.

Then I would have told you that we went to the checkout line and ran into the mother of one of the kids who had been in K's preschool class last year. We had stood in line, chatting with her, not noticing that she had an unusually large amount of items she was purchasing which would indicate we'd be standing in line for an extraordinarily long time.

I would have told you that I was oblivious to those facts because I was just enjoying having my kids chattering and lively and with me.

Then I would have told you about how an older man, probably in his late 70s or early 80s approached K and pulled a Tootsie Roll out of his ear. I would have described K's infectious giggle that rippled through his body and electrified M's body to mimic his. I would have said that the man then pulled one from M's ear, to which she blurted that she doesn't like them, causing the man to shrug and tell her to give it to her brother. (I didn't let the kids eat the candy because even though he was probably a perfectly nice man, you never know these days.)

So then I would have told you the man shuffled away only to return a minute later to tell M that since she didn't like the candy, how would she like an apple instead. Then you would be amazed to read that the man pulled two balloons out of his pocket to fashion an apple out of them which he then handed to a giggly Miss M with a flourish.

To which K whined that he didn't get a balloon. So the man rooted in his pocket for another balloon and finding a purple one (to which Miss M protested that purple was her favorite color) quickly fashioned a whimsical hat for K.

Then I would have posted a photo of these two lucky kids that I am so lucky to be a mom to (and to their little sister) who for whatever reason seem to prompt strangers to do nice things for them. (Remember when another man gave them each $1 out of the blue?) Can you see the little "feather" in K's hat? I thought that was extra adorable.

(Whoever has my muse? Please return to me. Thanks bunches.)

Another Adventure with Amma

I'll admit when we decided to journey down to Harmony, Minnesota to check out some of the wares of the Amish I was slightly skeptical that my mom would be able to navigate the area successfully. We've had our adventures in the past, which most often lead us to get lost for at least part of the time.

I forgot my camera, which bummed me out. I know I couldn't have taken photos of the Amish, but the trees and the landscape were absolutely gorgeous on the ride.

We ate at a small restaurant in town when we got there, then went on our tour of Amish farms. The first stop was a bakery. These women/girls had baked so many things that morning probably starting before I even got out of bed. And so many things that looked delicious!

As we visited each farm, I had a small part of me that sort of wished for the simplicity of life that they lead. But then I enjoy peeing indoors when it's 40 below...and the blog would probably suffer a bit if I didn't have electricity.

At one farm, a mother and one of her sons came to meet us in her store. M and K started to get a little carried away and I told them to calm down a little. The woman spoke with her German/Scandinavian accent and said "Oh, we're used to that around here. I have 6 boys." And as we were leaving I noticed that she looked like she was expecting. I didn't ask her if she had any girls, but if she didn't I hope this next one is a girl so she has some help with the "women work." The little boy who was with her was 4, just a few months younger than K. We had a small moment of connection. Just mothers, even though we are vastly different.

These are the experiences I want to drink in, live, expose my children to.

And even though Amma was navigating? We didn't get lost (although at one point she tried to tell me I was going the wrong way when the map we had clearly told me the way to go) so hey, an improvement over our last several adventures together.

I Hope to Notice More Often

Any mention of entering the dollar store will generally make my big kids giddy with excitement. There are few other stores that offer such variety of candy, crafts, books, stickers, storage containers, toys, music, what-have-you, that my children salivate eagerly at the idea of being able to choose perhaps two or three things that Mom will buy.

The last several months, we have avoided the toy aisles altogether. My kids have an abundance of toys and we really don't need 4 more trinket toys that will break 3.5 seconds after we exit the store. These days my kids head straight for the craft supplies.

I tell you all this in a long-winded fashion to say that we went to the dollar store yesterday afternoon. The big kids each picked out a bag of pom poms, a package of poster boards and a spelling book for M and a Kindergarten workbook for K. We went to stand in the very short line to check out, and when it was our turn M put her items on the counter first and asked for her own bag. (Both kids require their OWN bag for their stuff no matter where we go.) Then K put his stuff up and requested his own bag. While the cashier was ringing in his items, placing them in the bag and handing the bag to him, K commented "Thank you for buying this cool stuff for me Mom!"

Since I was finishing up the transaction, I murmured "you're welcome" admittedly distractedly. It hardly registered that K had thanked me, to be honest. As I was putting my change in my purse I caught the eye of the woman standing in line behind me. She clapped her hand to her heart and said "That was so sweet and so polite!" She may have had a little tear in her eye.

So it occurred to me that I do have good kids who do the right thing probably more often than not, but I am often too distracted to notice or acknowledge it. That has to be the surest way to ensure they will eventually stop doing those things, right? I need to change and recognize those good moments. It's more empowering for the kids to know what they're doing right and well than it is to tell them what they're doing wrong all the time.

Positivity! (Speaking of that, I forgot to pick the winner! Whoops! My bad. Drawing name now...be right back. The Random Number Generator picked comment #1! So that's you Holly! I'll try to get those bracelets sent out tomorrow.)

Something That Took My Breath Away

I'm still not feeling the greatest, but I feel a little less like I want to die, so that's a plus.

A couple of weeks ago we had school conferences for the big kids. Miss M's teacher let us take home some of her work books to look at. One of the workbooks that M has at school is a vocabulary notebook. They're supposed to write the vocabulary word, then draw a picture that will help them remember what the word means.

This one brought tears to my eyes.
I think she should have drawn herself.

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We're continuing to introduce our bloggers over at Midwest Parents this week! Hope you'll stop by and meet them!

Simply Joy Sunday #29

Still seeking out the simple joys of life...

...like summer weather finally arriving...

...kids playing at the playground after school...

...and fresh veggies from our garden...

What are your simple joys this week?

Feeling the Joy:

A Vapid Blonde

Crazy Nuts and Bolts

I'm nutso trying to finish things for the kids' birthday party tomorrow. I still have to clean up all the crap I have laying around. Believe me (and my husband will vouch for me) when I say I have crap laying around everywhere. You can't see our dining room table right now because there is so much crap piled on it. It's scrapbooking/card-making crap, but crap nonetheless.

The birthday photo video slide shows are coming along. I have M's pretty much done. I still have one or two more parts of K's to do...and if I have time, another part to add to M's. I had planned to get these done well in advance of their birthdays but you see how that worked out for me.

I did not get the thank you cards made either, so I will have to make them before I cajole the children into writing them. Thank you cards will not be as punctual this year.

My mom and I took the kids to IKEA and MOA for M's birthday on Wednesday, per M's request. Hey, if my daughter wants me to go to IKEA, how can I say no? I bought a dresser for M and D to share when they move into their new room (when the addition is finished) and a bunch of other junk. I refrained from buying some things I'd like to for when our addition/remodel is done, but it makes no sense to buy it now. They'll probably still have it later anyway. And if not? Guess we weren't supposed to have it.

We went to Underwater Adventures at MOA. M wanted to go and I had coupons for her and K to get in free so we went for it. It was fun looking at the fish. I enjoyed the aquarium more this time than almost any other time for some reason. Well, part of the reason may have been Ms. D's reaction. She screeched and pointed and tried to stand up in her stroller. None of my kids have been so excited at that age. She is something else that little monkey.

There was a virtual roller coaster ride at the end that Miss M wanted to do so just her and I went on it. (K was not interested.) M giggled the entire time in the "ride" and that pretty much made the day for me listening to her giggle.

We also were able to touch creatures like horseshoe crab, sea anemone, sea cucumber, star fish and crab. They used to have sharks at the end, but no more I guess. It was still cool to touch all these creatures, but I did like touching the sharks before.

So today I'll be decorating 2 cakes and 48 cupcakes. Send booze.

The Adventure of Miss M and Her Mommy

Miss M has asked me many times over the last 3 or 4 years when she will be able to fly in an airplane. We live near an airport and actually go the the airport on occasion just to watch the airplanes. My answers were often flippant and decidedly negative: when we have lots of money ... when you save up your money ... I don't know but it will be a while!

Last week her opportunity literally rode up on the beach at the resort where we were staying. And at first? She said no. She didn't want to go. Her stomach. Her anxiety. These are beginning to dull the spirit of my once-fearless daughter. I reminded her of the many many times she had asked me when she would fly in an airplane. I told her she may never have an opportunity like this again. Still she didn't want to go, until she heard her cousins were going to fly.

Just as the plane was pushed off the beach and the engine was about to fire, one of my nephews wanted to bail out on the adventure. We all had our headphones on so we could hear one another. Miss M heard the nervous request, clutched her stomach and said she wanted out too. My sister-in-law and I pretty much told them they were too late to get out and tried to joke them into smiles.

The photo yesterday is Miss M at takeoff. All smiles, all excitement. She was alternately intrigued and anxious during the short half-hour flight, one minute giggling, the next moaning and holding her stomach.

I, of course, took a lot of photos...166 from the time I entered the plane to when I exited it. I got some great shots as I sat in the co-pilot's seat. The side window was open which offered a delicious breeze on a hot summer day, and also offered an unobstructed view to shoot photos from.

This is one of the highlights of the scenic flight. Pelican Island in Leech Lake.

All those white dots are birds!

Here's an aeriel view of the resort where we stay.

I was glad to have our trusty semi-new Canon Rebel to get some amazing shots on this flight. Miss M perked up a lot when the pilot said we'd be landing soon. She was amazed at the whole process, even with the stomach issues.

Once we stepped out of the plane she shouted "That was awesome, Dude!"

I have to agree.

Watching Planes

We were turning down our home street after swimming lessons when I asked them.

Do you want to go watch the planes?

We live very near a not-so-busy, but busy enough, airport and in previous years we have tried to watch the planes. We’re often unsuccessful with our timing. We’ll see a small Cessna or two take off or land but no larger airlines.

The kids thought for a moment before answering my question then gave a resounding “yes!” I had to actually turn around since we were already headed for our house.

We took note of the black clouds looming in the distance, my kids not the big fan of thunderstorms as I am, but forged ahead with our plan.

We’ll just stay a little bit and leave before the storm comes. I told them.

The swimming lesson must have tired them into compliance because they were still game and still seemed to believe me. These times are less frequent these days.

As we approached the aircraft observation area, I noticed there were people there already. This is unusual. Every time we have ever gone to watch the planes we have been the only observers. Perhaps other people have better timing than I.

I parked the car and the kids begged to get out and go to the fence like the people here before us. I hadn’t planned on this scenario, but as the saying goes “the fewer the nos the better the day goes.” There was no real reason to deny the request other than my laziness, which wasn’t a good reason at all.

With their usual youthful, trusting, exuberance my older two children have engaged the two adults already at the fence (who have a small toddler with them) in conversation long before I have the baby out of her seat and have walked the 20 feet to the fence to join them.

The couple is sweet. They are visiting from Australia, waiting to see the plane carrying their friend and fellow Australian Kylie on a trip to Chicago. It’s a glimpse into other lives, a little like Reality TV, but without the dirt. Here I can imagine only great friends and good times. Suddenly we have a stake in the takeoff of this plane waiting at the gate nearby.

When we arrive, the air is still. Moments later, the wind picks up, sudden and strong. The baby kicks and laughs at the novelty. Sand and pebbles kiss our legs. K’s hair, wet from swimming, is dry in minutes. M’s bangs, dry as well, whip wildly in the wind.

Wow! I say to our new friends, that came up suddenly!

They nod and smile their agreement, not because they are shy, but because it is hard to hear anyway. Better to use signs rather than shout at one another.

The male of the couple goes to check when the plane is going to leave. It’s scheduled for 3:50, but the impending storm has prompted airline officials to try to expedite the take-off. It’s 3:30 by my phone’s clock.

We see a Cessna take off. We see a small commuter land. As the pilot throws on the reverse thrusters I ask my kids why they think that happened. They don’t care, but I tell them anyway. I’ve learned as a parent that kids often learn even when you think they’re not listening.

The Baby continues to throw her head back, giggle and smile in the extreme wind. This is new to her, and she likes the feeling of wind in her hair.

The excitement builds as the airplane’s engine is fired. M and the woman decide to compete to see who will see the plane move first. M wins and she is giddy.

As the plane taxis out, I explain it will go down to the south end of the runway and take off nearly in front of us, heading North, into the wind. I am thankful the kids don’t ask why the plane needs to take off into the wind. I’m not up for a discussion of the properties of lift in air travel.

The man returns just as the plane reaches the end of the runway and his companion is grateful. Suddenly the plane is rolling again and a moment later is airborne. We all wave as the plane passes before us. Bye! We yell and wave. Bu-bye, even the Baby is waving happily in her adorable backwards sort-of waving at herself way.

The plane climbs and begins its eastward turn.

Bye Kylie! Have a great trip!

I tell the kids to keep watching as the plane will soon climb above the clouds and disappear, and soon it does just that. And so we seven are left in the wind, watching the sky that no longer holds anything but clouds. The thing that brought us together gone, we part ways to return to our own lives.

Sorry If You Missed the Concert. It Was Excellent.

A visit to the dentist is never that exciting or even pleasant, although I have been lucky and not had any terribly unpleasant experiences in the chair. Taking my children to the dentist is much like taking them to the doctor. The waiting is the excruciating part.

K had his appointment last week. We arrived right on time and he was called for his appointment within a few minutes. It was wonderful.

M had her appointment on Monday after school. I had K and D with me as well. K had just spent all afternoon at preschool which always tires him out anyway. He gets extra goofy and wild and has a hard time controlling himself when he's tired. So the Monday afternoon appointment was less-than ideal to say the least.

We arrived for M's appointment a little in advance. They called her back for x-rays then she returned to the waiting area to wait for her cleaning. K was bouncing off the walls almost immediately. He controls himself at school and follows the rules so I think when he gets back with me he feels like he can let loose of that control. Lucky me.

After a few minutes I noticed an older boy listening to his iPod. K, do you want to listen to music? Perhaps this would keep him at least sitting still. I had hope.

I got him set up with K's Playlist and helped him put the earbuds in his ears. Within moments he was singing, somewhat loudly.

I tried to shush him but honestly, I thought it was cute. Even the sort of grumpy old man waiting said that he was enjoying the "radio"...well at least at first. I'm thinking after a few minutes he tired of the cuteness, but I did not. K sang along with Little Wonders, Hot Girls, Beautiful Boy and Down at the Sunset Grill.

He sang loud and unabashedly. Pure innocence and love for life and music. This boy of mine has a heart of gold.

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I've got a review over at The Zoo Review on another show we were fortunate enough to go see last weekend! Thomas and Friends!

And The Bear Grumbles On

Thunderstorms returned yesterday. I missed them. I think it's partly the promise of a cool-down after a hot humid day that makes me enjoy a good storm. The high yesterday reached 92. 92 glorious degrees. I love warm/hot weather. Obviously I live in the wrong state.

I took the kids to the park after school yesterday. It was windy and hot. The kids were wearing shorts and were full of energy. By afternoon I'd stripped the baby down to just a onesie and had scoured my closet for summer clothes that still fit me. The shorts I found fit just right, but every shirt I found hung tent-like on me. It was a nice problem to have. I wore the tent-shirt anyway. If people were embarrassed at a glimpse of my bra so be it. It was hot and I have lost weight.

We were at the park for almost an hour before the dark clouds began to creep over our heads. The kids were oblivious, they were having such fun running around. K's face was flushed a bright red within minutes, M was finding new friends at every turn and D was sampling bits of sand and sticks. (Yum!)

I corralled the kids into the car and reached home before the first raindrops fell. They fell hard and fast and were gone in minutes. The sun returned and the kids spent some time outside playing in the sand while Craig trucked sand from the pile to the back yard where the cement slab for the addition will eventually be poured.

D and I were inside for a while, me rolling her ball to her-her picking it up and hurling it randomly and laughing hysterically. I had to grab the video camera and recorded her for almost 15 minutes. I realized I didn't record her much over this almost full year of her life. Bad, bad Mommy. So that's why I probably over-compensated last night but it was fun to hear those deep belly baby laughs. Those laughs are what I will miss most when all my babies are grown.

The storms didn't return to our area of the city until after the older two kids were in bed. D was fussing and fighting sleep so her daddy was trying his hand at rocking her to Lullaby Land when the first low grumbles, like a hungry bear, lumbered in. Within minutes both M and K were at the top of the stairs, scared to admit they were out of their beds, yet too scared by the "boomers" to sleep.

I ushered them into Craig's and my bedroom and the three of us lay there listening as the grumbly bear moved on to another cave to find his meal. I had M's hand in my hand and our hands rested on K's leg. I whispered I love you guys and moments later I could hear K's soft snores. I can no longer hear M when she sleeps which astounds me still.

When I left them in our bed K's hand was resting on M's chest, comforted by his big sister's presence even in slumber.

And Now We Call Him "Rides On Two Wheels"

Wordless Wednesday and Even more Wordless Wednesday

Remind me that I feel this way half-way through the next break

My kids return to school on Monday. Miss M will resume her life at school, away from me for more hours than she is with me. K, D and I will start out the week at preschool together. Wednesday afternoon will find Miss D and I alone together for a couple of hours.

These seemingly abrupt endings to days of having all of my children together are bittersweet. I welcome the return of routine, but it seems the old routine returns just as we are getting used to a new routine. M and K were starting to play nicely together. They were starting to respect quiet time so D could nap.

I was really starting to enjoy having my kids with me and all the time to do whatever we wanted to, whenever we wanted.

As usual, I want the best of both worlds.

A Very Merry New Year

We celebrated New Year's Eve with the kids as has become our tradition. We get out the party hats and the "happy new year" necklaces. We get out the wine glasses and the sparkling grape juice. We get out the horns and the paper poppers. We choose a random time and just start counting down to the new year at the Zebra household.

We ate our appetizers for supper, M played Dance Dance Revolution on the Wii, D tried to get into everything, K built yet another creation with his Legos.

Craig brought home another present for me:We got our pajamas on and played some Sonic on the Wii before M and K started fighting too much and we shuffled them off to bed. K, of course, stayed up another hour or longer busy in his bedroom tinkering with his building supplies.

Craig and I watched Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve and tinkered with the new laptop.

It was a low-key celebration, which is how I really like them to be these days.

Moments before the ball was to drop (recorded and played later here in central) Miss M woke up to use the bathroom. I ushered her downstairs and she sat on my lap to watch the ball begin its decent.

Look at all those people there celebrating! I told her. They are in New York City and they all went out to celebrate a new year arriving. M mumbled something in response but I think she was in awe of the sight. You just saw the new year arrive M! Her smile lit up the darkened room. The baby lay on the floor, slumbering and waiting to be transferred to her crib. Her brother lay sleeping finally upstairs in his bedroom.

The ball dropped and I received a new year's kiss from my husband and my first-born child. I can't think of a better way to start the year.

Benefits

I did not plan to have nearly four years separate my two youngest children. Craig and I had planned to have our third child in the 2-year age span like with the first two kids.

The 2-year age gap was not to be with the third child, and as the months ticked by that I wasn't pregnant so the age gap crept ever greater.

I'd hoped that K and our third child would be close in age like M and K partly because M and K can often play the same games and do the same things. Their interests often are similar and their ages often allow them to be in the same activities. Like right now, they are in the cherub choir at church together. Next year, M will move to the next choir but they have this year together.

So when I finally got pregnant with Ms. D, I admit I worried a bit about the age gap. I'm sure that ages 2-3 will be a challenge because she'll want to do what her older siblings are doing but she just won't be old enough or big enough.

But I hadn't realized the real benefit of having older children when you have a new baby in the house. Miss M has been especially helpful with the baby, from singing to her in the car when she starts to cry to entertaining her while I'm in the shower, to getting D's toys for her to play with.

This weekend Miss M really showed how helpful she is and how much she loves her little sister. She changed D's diaper and got her dressed with only minimal help from me.

How cool is that?