Preschool Haiku

It is never dull
when you have five 3-year-olds
to teach in one room.

Writing our letters,
practicing recycling,
tracing all our names.

Home schooling preschool
is a great experience
I happened upon.

Just don't forget your
energy and stamina.
You will need a nap.

I'm Still Thinking of Sticking Her in the Freezer

D starts preschool tomorrow.

It's the homeschool/co-op preschool that I'm doing with 4 other moms and I really am excited for us all, but at the same time I'm feeling a little weepy. Not the same type of ugly cry that I'm sure will happen when D heads to Kindergarten, but still not a pretty thing.

The first day I drove away from Miss M at preschool I blubbered the entire way home. Similar for her brother. I cried even when K Man went on his first field trip with his preschool class. The kids all climbed on the bus to ride away from us parents and I was forced back to my car early to hide the shuddering sobs from my son and the other parents.

K's first day of Kindergarten (M's first day of second grade) caught me off guard as BOTH of them were crying which really sent me over the edge. By the time I picked them up from school that day they were both all smiles.

So tomorrow begins the first steps of sending my youngest child out into the world without me. I've been in denial for months about this. Back in January one of the moms in D's ECFE class mentioned signing the kids up for preschool and I was totally shocked. Then I realized that, yes, it was time to start thinking about this.

But it's just not right! I'm pretty sure D was just born last year. Can't I go back and be weepy about her turning one?

I worry about D, as I worry for different reasons about all of my children. Is there such a person as a mother who doesn't worry about her children? I suppose there are those unfit persons who have somehow been blessed with children that others pine for.

D is very choosy with the people she will deem worthy enough to hear her words. If you have heard her talk, you are lucky indeed. At home, she chatters with abandon. In public, if you ask her to say "hi" she will hide behind my leg.

It's my hope that she will thrive with the small "class" size and begin to connect with the other moms and kids more than she did the last year at ECFE. She liked the kids (most of them) fine. She made connections with the kids. She remembers them (mostly), but she seemed to not care about her teachers. She didn't connect with them like my other two kids bonded to their teachers at ECFE. There will be more teachers this way...though really only one more...but I think the smaller group of kids will be beneficial.

My vision of her preschool days is splendid. I hope the reality matches.

Do YOU Volunteer in Your Child's School? Why or Why NOT?

I arrive at the school a few minutes early. The kindergartners are lining up after lunch, ready to head back to their classrooms. K's class is lined up right outside the office where I need to check in and get my visitor's badge.

Hi Heather!

::waves::

::shy smiles::

::actual jumping up and down::

It is a heroine's welcome.

I've met these kids only a handful of times but I know most of their names. I know who is quiet and who is a character. I know who listens easily and follows directions and I know who needs to be redirected again and again.

This is the foundation of my son's school days. These kids could potentially be his friends for years to come.

Miss M's grademates have similar reactions, even still as second-graders. Those who have met me in one way or another smile and wave at me whenever they see me. M's teachers have not asked me to volunteer very often. I'm not sure why. But I have gotten to know several of the kids in her grade through the few volunteer opportunities, through Girl Scouts, through birthday parties and through going to eat lunch with M.

My children have all started their schooling as babies. I started back to school when I became a mother. We attended Early Childhood Family Education classes from the time M was about 3 months old and D and I still attend. These classes have been invaluable to me for meeting other parents with similar-aged children. M and K are still friends with some of the kids they met in baby classes. ECFE means that the parent has to be a part of the child's class. Consequently, I knew all of the kids and the parents of the kids with whom my children were interacting.

Kindergarten is a shock after that. You no longer know the kids, or more importantly perhaps, the parents. You're no longer there to explain things, to mediate, to direct. You find that some kids will dispell your children's dreams and you won't realize it until you're in the moment.

(Yes, Santa is real. Doesn't matter if you're Muslim or Jewish or Christian. Santa is real. I still believe in Santa because I've seen the things Santa can do.)

I try to see these children in my kids' classes with an open mind. They have probably very different upbringings and experience a wide range of parenting styles. It's hard to not see some of the kids with a negative light. They may steer my kids the wrong way. They may. I hope that my kids can see the right way.

The reality is that most of these kids ask me about what my job is and how I can come to spend time with them. They marvel that I write my kids notes for their lunch boxes every day. They look enviously as I hug and kiss my kids hello and goodbye.

The reality is that the majority of the volunteering in the classrooms is done by the same 5-6 families within each 2-3 grade range. The reality is that these kids are starving for their parents to pay attention and show that they have a stake in their lives. One of those vacation days? Use it to volunteer in your child's school.

The things I have learned about my kids and their friends through volunteering and through simply sitting in the lunch room and sharing a lunch with my child and her/his friends are priceless to me.

I don't have teenagers yet, but I like to think that being here now, volunteering, showing that I care about my kids and their friends, will do a least a little something to keep the communication lines open as they reach the teen years and naturally pull away. Perhaps I will be the mom that one of their friends turns to when he/she needs help. I hope that I'll be the mom that my own children turn to because I've been there, listening, watching, learning, from the start.

How to Prepare for an In-home Play Date

When I was a new parent to Miss M, there were several things about parenting that I didn’t know. I didn’t know how hard it would be to try to nurse a baby (never did work with M). I didn’t know how truly active one little child could be. I didn’t know that there would be play dates, even when the kids were still babies.

The first few times M and I were invited to another person’s home for a play date I had no idea what was expected of me. Should I bring my own snacks and beverages? How long should I stay?

These first play date anxieties were eased by the fact that it wasn’t just M and I that were gathering with one other family. There were several mothers and babies…and later toddlers…that got together regularly. I observed at these first play dates so that I would know what I should do when it came to be my turn to host the gathering.

So, here, some tips for hosting a play date.

1. Provide a small snack. Preferably for both the kids and the parents. One of the first snacks I served for the parents was a veggie pizza. It was tasty and we could delude ourselves into thinking it was totally healthy even with the gobs of cream cheese. The kids will be happy with a few Goldfish crackers.
2. Make sure you have extra sippy cups in case someone forgets theirs.
3. Once the kids get old enough to rat you out you probably should stop serving alcohol. (Around age 3.)
4. Put away any toys that your child is currently loving too much to share.
5. Suggest that your child start cleaning up when you’re ready for the play date to end. (If you’re at the play date, suggest that your child help clean up too.) If the kids are toddlers, you’re pretty much on your own cleaning up the disaster area. Just remember that when you’re at someone else’s house you’ll get to duck out without cleaning up too.
6. If there will be older kids along with babies, make sure all the little pieces of Polly Pocket gear and Legos are in rooms that the babies can’t get to and insist that the older kids play with these items in that other room. It’s no fun for a mom of a mobile baby or toddler to be watching every second to make sure her child doesn’t choke on Polly’s evening wear.
7. Be ready to open baby gates for those of us who can’t figure every style out easily.
8. Generally, the TV should be off for the duration of the play date. We didn’t get together to watch TV. Music is fine, as long as it’s kid-appropriate. Now is not the time to play your explicit lyrics selections.
9. If there will be babies or toddlers who crawl on the ground or are prone to put stuff in their mouths, by all means, vacuum before the play date. Older kids only? Wait and vacuum after they leave.
10. Remember that the other moms are mostly just happy to be out of the house and chatting with friends. Don’t stress out.

These are some of the guidlines that I've found work for me! What would you add to the list?

In Which I Realize the Value of Full Disclosure (And Also Get a Little Sappy)

Last week, my son went on a field trip with his preschool. It was his first time riding on a bus and it was a coach bus (although I was informed it did NOT have a toilet on the bus like I assumed all coach buses did...thanks for that fake-coach bus).

The excitement for this outing had been building for weeks. If you have any experience with exuberant 4-year-olds you know how hard it is to contain that enthusiasm. I often do not reveal plans until the day before just for this reason. For those of you who do not have kids, or have younger kids, let me tell you you will be asked approximately every 5- to 10-minutes when the exciting trip is going to happen if you make the rookie mistake of telling your child about it in advance. I had no control in this case. His preschool teachers told the kids about the trip weeks ago so they could prepare, or as I like to call it, so they could drive the parents nuts. (I'm reminded of the gargantuan "robot" of garbage my son brought home earlier in the school year. Why do his teachers hate me?)

Finally the day arrived and it coincided with the day that the builder came out to the house to start putting together the walls of the addition. K was more frenetic than an ant on a smashed hill. He was torn between shadowing Rick, the builder, and wanting to go to Oxbow Park (on the bus!) with his class. Eventually the bus and the trip won out, mostly because I think K had already exhausted every question he could come up with about the building process within a half an hour. Kudos to Rick who seemed to take the incessant questions in good humor. He, himself is a dad to three, although his kids are older now. I told K to stay out of Rick's way but he informed me, rather emphatically, he WANTS me to follow him MOM! So I stand corrected there.

So we arrived at K's school and the bus was parked in the street awaiting its kid cargo. The kids posed for photos in front of the bus and all donned their foam visors they'd made specifically for the day. A few of the kids were reticent, but even they came around and boarded the bus with their friends.

The moment for K to board came and he sought me out. There were hugs and kisses and the always, always, always uttered "I love you Buddy" before he was gone, bounding up the stairs that seemed too big for his little legs to scale. The windows of the bus were tinted such that I couldn't make out which of the little faces looking out was my son's so I just began blindly waving to any form that seemed to be looking in my direction.

I was thankful for my sunglasses as some of the other parents began to joke about enjoying their free time. I knew I'd get some errands done while K was at school, but my eyes teared up as the bus pulled away. His first solo field trip. On a bus (even though it had no toilet-man the credibility just gets shot down all the time). Riding away from me. Away from me.

Away from me. Just as kids are supposed to do as they get older. We are preparing them to leave us. Who thought of this aspect of parenting anyway? I don't think I like it.

So I turned away from my friends, those other parents who seemed so cheerful, so happy to see their kids riding away. I'm thinking the first day of Kindergarten isn't any easier when it's your second child. It's not, is it?

But when I went to pick K up from school, the bus had just arrived back at the school and I had just missed seeing K disembark from the bus. The kids went into the building to go potty or whatever and I watched that bus pull away. Thank you for delivering my boy back safely.

So I waited in the car line for the teachers to bring the kids back out. I was excited to hear all about the cool animals K had seen at Oxbow Park (although technically Zollman Zoo) and was a bit taken aback when he emerged with a frown on his face.

What's the matter Buddy? I asked, wondering if he'd had a falling out with a friend or something.

That was no park, he told me. You all lied to me. All I saw was a bunch of animals. There wasn't a park. It was boring.

So apparently I sent a preschooler and got back a teenager. Sigh.

I Have Another Preschool Grad

I love how proud he looks. He's been asking when he gets to go to Kindergarten, when he gets to go to "M's school" and I've kept telling him it will be a while yet. But yesterday he graduated preschool and is that much closer to Kindergarten. Just a little more than 2 months away. Sob!

Time Keeps on Slipping into the Future

I’m feeling uninspired. I want to write but cannot think of what words to say. I have a half dozen blog posts started but I can’t seem to finish them. Nothing seems to come out quite the way I want it.

I want to make cards or notebooks or something – anything – for my etsy shop and I sit and stare at the blank cards unable to figure out what to do with them.

The stress of M’s surgery is mostly over. Now begins the attempts to keep the girl resting who essentially feels better save for a sore throat. The challenge continues to keep the brother who is always full of vim and vigor from riling his sisters. The challenge continues to remain vigilant in keeping the baby safe from the multitude of things that I never had to worry about when the older two kids were babies.

The hours, even one fewer thanks to daylight savings, careen through the day faster and faster. I swear I was just pregnant yesterday, yet here I have a 9-½-month-old girl who seems intent upon walking before her first birthday. She’s climbing stairs and letting go of hands willy-nilly, showing me that I am soon to be out of a job as her “everything” as she will be more and more independent.

Then there is this boy who was just a toddler days ago who has morphed not only into a preschooler, but also into a pre-kindergartener. He has ideas and stories and personality in unlimited supply. How will I manage in a few short months to drop off two of my children to strangers for most of the day? I hope that he never loses that enthusiasm for life. I want to always hear strangers say he’s quite a character isn’t he? I want to always nod my head in slightly exasperated agreement.

Just yesterday my oldest baby showed me again that she is growing into a big girl by leaps and bounds. We were trying to do some homework so that she doesn’t fall behind in her schoolwork. She chose to start with math…something that I have never been very fond of but for which she seems to have a natural ability. We were working with coins and writing money values in two ways, as cents and as dollars and cents. It didn’t take much coaching before I realized I did not need to do much. She was adding up 2 quarters, 1 dime, 3 nickels and 4 pennies to equal 79 cents in no time. I’m certain I couldn’t have done the same at her age.

So here I sit feeling, in a way, that life is rolling on around me. Everyone is growing and learning and doing, it seems, except for me. I am a bystander, yet I feel like I am missing so much even as I watch it happening.

I want to write, to take photos, to scrapbook, to capture these days before they slip away forever, but I am stuck. I get lost in the hugs and the holding. I gather them into my arms and inhale their hair. They fill my senses and deplete my energy. They make me want to be better at everything.

So I try. I try to write. I try to create. I try to be patient and loving and kind. But it is hard to do it all. So now I mostly am being mom and the blog is getting sloppy seconds. So be it.

Remind me that I feel this way half-way through the next break

My kids return to school on Monday. Miss M will resume her life at school, away from me for more hours than she is with me. K, D and I will start out the week at preschool together. Wednesday afternoon will find Miss D and I alone together for a couple of hours.

These seemingly abrupt endings to days of having all of my children together are bittersweet. I welcome the return of routine, but it seems the old routine returns just as we are getting used to a new routine. M and K were starting to play nicely together. They were starting to respect quiet time so D could nap.

I was really starting to enjoy having my kids with me and all the time to do whatever we wanted to, whenever we wanted.

As usual, I want the best of both worlds.

His Last First Day of Preschool

wordless wednesday

Thank you

A few years ago I was lucky enough to end up in an ECFE class with a remarkable group of people. It was M's preschool class, but one day out of the week the parents attend with their children and participate in a parent discussion group. In some ways I'm sure it sounds horrible to some people out there who have never been to a class like that. I've been participating in these classes since M was just 3 months old, and in many ways the classes have helped me keep my sanity. Much like the blogosphere, these classes provide a place for me and other parents to voice our parenting struggles and often discover that we, and our children, are normal.

This is a really long-winded, round-about way of getting to the point of this post, which is that I met Karen at M's preschool class when M and Karen's daughter were 3. I wouldn't say that Karen and I hit it off right away. In fact, I wouldn't say that I hit it off with anyone in the group that first year. I'm quiet, and slow to warm up. It takes me a long time to feel comfortable with people, especially in a group setting. But toward the end of the year I was starting to come out of my shell a bit and started to make friends with the people in the group.

I emerged from my cocoon just as Karen was having her house packed and her belongings moved back to New York. But we discovered that we each had a blog, along with some others in the group. I was quite a blog newbie, and Karen told me I should check out her sister's blog. So, at first, we sort of kept in touch through our blogs, but since Karen doesn't update her blog as often anymore I sort of keep track of her through her sister's blog.

But still, it was a surprise to open my mailbox and discover a package from her.

Inside were personalized burp clothes and a personalized security blanket made by Karen. You should definitely check out her site. (Although if you read her sister, you know she's on vacation right now. And I'm totally not jealous either. No way.)

So anyway, thank you Karen for the beautiful burp clothes (they're almost too nice to use!) and the pretty blankie for Ms. D. It's wonderful to have such great friends.

Yet more evidence my son is F'ing with me...

...and his preschool teachers.

Hey Mommy! We match!

(Gestures from my shirt to his shirt.)

You have red and I have red.

And they both are, indeed, red. Why, pray tell, will he say red is yellow if you ASK him what color it is?

Because he's F'ing with us.

That's why.

Another first day of school

Yesterday was the K-man's first day of preschool. He was all set to go at 8:30 yesterday morning, although his class isn't until the afternoon.

Is it time to go yet Mommy? Is it time to go yet Mommy? Is it time to go yet Mommy?

While in my head I kept praying Dear God make it time to go!

So, we left the house a bit early so we could drop a DVD off at a friend's house and so that I could at least get him in the car and headed in the direction of his school. As we drove past his school from last year he informed me that I missed his school.

No, Bud, you go to a new school now. The school M went to last year. That's your school now!

Oh.

We stop and drop off the DVD. He plays with his friends for a few minutes then it was time to pile back in the car. He's so excited that he's running around their yard randomly before I can finally corral him into the car.

Back past K's old school. As I'm driving past it occurs to me that it would have been shorter to go the other way and I hear K in the backseat...

I guess I'm not going to school today. There it goes.

Little Dude, it's okay. You are going to M's old school now!

Oh. Okay.

We arrive and K heads to the "sibling care" room where he spent time during M's preschool class the previous 2 years.

Hi Kerry! He greets his former caregiver. Honestly he's talked about her all summer...how she's his friend and how he's going to bring her different drawings he's made.

Kerry's not your teacher this year, remember?

Oh yeah! Bye Kerry! and off he charged to the big kid room.

He had a blast. I eyed the other mommies in the group, wondering if I was going to fit in with this group. M's preschool class clicked so well I have my doubts that lightening could strike twice. I already know 4 moms in the group from previous classes.

Let's just say I was feeling a little out of place since I was the biggest person there...and there is one mom who recently had a baby and 2 five- and six-month pregnant mommies. Plus I still have to pee every hour or so since I'm getting over a lovely female problem so that added some fun to the mix. Good times. Perhaps I should check into Weight Watchers now.

Like I said, K loved it.

We shot out of there to go get M at school since K's class is over at 3:15 and M's school is out at 3:20. We made it by 3:30 and drove straight to M's swimming lesson. It wasn't until 4:30 but I was stupid thought I'd save gas and just go there and wait.

Yeah, since K had preschool, no nap. No nap and taking him to watch M's swimming lesson? Not fun.

He climbed on things, took toys from other kids waiting, tipped his chair back and nearly cracked his skull on the floor TWICE, after which I held him on my lap while he screamed and hit me.

Did I mention how much fun he is sometimes?

This is about the time that I consider shipping him to China. They like boys over there, right?

M's lesson finally ended and I tried to get her dressed as quickly as possible while she asked me if I saw how good she did.

I had to tell her no because K was being too naughty I didn't get to watch her at all.

Then, while attempting to give the kids a bath M reached over and smacked K in the face for no reason. They were sitting on stools next to one another waiting while I filled the tub and she just hauled off and hit him.

She ended up in her room with no bath and no pajamas. Eventually her Dad let her get pajamas on, but I was done with dealing with kids for the night.

Today? Today was better.

Then again, K had an almost 2 hour nap today so that might be why.

Sometimes I really miss 5-year-old conversation

My day with K goes something like this:

Open his bedroom door to let him out. While I am turning off his fan and night-light, it begins.

Hi Mama! My light turned on all by itself! (The power was out this morning for a few hours because of a thunderstorm.) It was off, then it turned on! Off, on! Off on! he sings as he follows me downstairs.

I want a 'nola bar Mama! A chocolate 'nola bar. Where's M? Oh! There you are! Hi M! A chocolate 'nola bar, Mama?

I have bad news for him this morning. K, Mommy had to take away your new Sarge car. You still have your plastic one, but the other one had icky paint on it and Mommy has to send it back to the people who made it.

He looks confused, then shrugs and says "Oh. Where's my juice?"

We take M to school. M and K are chatting about something or other. As soon as M is out of the car, K continues his monologue.

There she goes! M is at school Mama! Where we going now?

Home.

Oh. We play trains Mama? We play trains? We play train?

Ears go numb.

We're home and I need to get some laundry put away. I turn CARS on in a futile attempt to get this chore done in peace.

K follows me to M's room and starts touching all of her treasures that she doesn't want him touching.

Don't touch M's stuff, I remind him.

Okay.

Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch. Touch.

Do you want M to touch your stuff when you're not home? I ask.

No.

Then don't touch her stuff.

Okay.

Touch. Touch. Touch.

He follows me to his room where I continue putting clothes away. He spies his bed. Name's Mater, without the "ta." Name's Mater, without the "ta." Name's Mater, without the "ta."

I've given birth to a broken record. One that misquotes movie lines.

We eat lunch in relative silence, then the blessed peace of nap time. For both of us.

After nap, K has the same request as usual. Mommy? Play trains with me? Play trains with me Mommy? Mama? Play trains? Play trains Mama? To which I push a train around the floor until I'm told I'm not doing it correctly.

Then, time to go get M at school.

Mama, just like your car! Just like your car Mama! Like your car Mama! K points out at the sight of every single PT Cruiser in the state of Minnesota. In case you haven't noticed, there are a crap-load of them on the road. It is difficult to be excited about seeing the 400th PT Cruiser of the day. At least it is for me. K remains enthusiastic at each sighting.

Between sightings, he makes various noises with his lips and mouth, and occasionally, his butt. He also periodically sings along with the songs playing on the CD.

Finally, M gets into the car and immediately announces "Alex threw up on the rug, so there's a nurse at my school for that!"

Ahhhh. Sweet, sweet 5-year-old conversation. At last.

***********************************
So, I'd originally planned to end my post there. It was nicely rounded that way.

However, after we picked M up at school we met some friends at a park. The kids played for an hour or so before K fell down in a most unfortunate spot.

He stood there and cried until I got to him, then, being the nice mommy I am, I made him stand for pictures. Then I cleaned his skin a bit, and his hair (that dark spot on the left side of his head is mud), and removed all clothing before wrapping him in a towel for the ride home.

Needless to say, we had baths before supper tonight.

The Fun Box

My friend Sandy started a "Summer Fun Box" with her kids this summer. I thought it sounded like a great idea and late the first night after Sandy had mentioned it, I made one for my kids: Sandy let her kids in on choosing the activities, but I just filled the box with my own ideas. Once I started thinking of things, the ideas kept coming. My kids get so excited to pick the activity out of the box (usually the night before) and wait with great anticipation to hear me read what the activity will be. Once the activity is revealed, they usually jump up and down and exclaim things like "yippie!" and "hooray!"

So far this summer we have done several activities. Most are not that out-of-the-ordinary, but since it came out of the "Fun Box" the kids thought it was special.

We've:
1. Played a board game.
2. Visited the Rochester Art Center.
3. Picked "stickers" at the dollar store (although M got a bracelet and K got a car in lieu of stickers.)
4. Had a "toy" wash.

5. Visited Quarry Hill and gone hiking up a ridiculously steep trail to get to the quarry.
Then hiked back down.
Then realized that there was a gently-sloping trail that was a much easier way to get there. Sigh. (This is not that trail, but I like this photo of them on another gentle trail!)

5. Eaten dessert first (before supper). (I gave them an ice pop...they thought it was great and it didn't spoil their supper.)
6. Played at different local parks.
7. Made pretzels.
8. Gone for a walk downtown.
9. Fingerpainted.
10. Rode bikes around Silver Lake.
11. Gone to the airport to watch airplanes.
and (today)
12. Write and mail a letter to a friend.

Tomorrow we will be having Mickey Mouse-shaped eggs for breakfast. (I got egg-shapers last time Craig and I went to Orlando.)

Obviously we don't do the Fun Box every day. We don't draw on the weekends and we didn't draw while we were on vacation. The Fun Box has been cancelled a couple of times due to naughty behavior. But, for the most part, it's been (so far) a FUN activity to help make each day special in some little way.

So, thanks for the idea Sandy!

Decision Training?

I was at my last ECFE class with my kids last Tuesday when a parent brought up a particular child in her neighborhood who is not as well-behaved as most of the other parents in the area would like. This parent went on to say that the mother of the child does little to discipline him.

I sat in silence during most of the group time, feeling uncomfortable as the other parents lobbed judgemental tisk-tisks and made suggestions like telling the mother that everyone in the neighborhood thinks she's a rotten parent (or something slightly more tactful) or simply removing her own child from the boy by retreating into her house every time this kid is outside.

While driving home from the class, it hit me what was bothering me about the conversation.

Everyone was focused on the rotten kid with the rotten parents who did nothing. They never once thought that their child will ever be seen as unruly or undisciplined. They thought things like simply banning the use or even touching of toys like squirt guns would ensure that their children will never act aggressively or bratty.

The thing is, your kids are going to meet rotten people all their lives. I know we all want to protect our kids but I am beginning to see that this sheltering could really be doing them a great disservice.

Why not give our own children the tools to make things better for themselves? The reality is, we won't be there to protect our kids at all times. Nor should we be. I'm willing to bet that our kids will be the ones that another parent is shaking his head at more than once. Kids will pick up on less-than-desirable things from a variety of sources --including their own parents.

Perhaps instead of isolating the rotten kids we should simply teach our own children the "right" way to behave and let them decide for themselves that they don't want to be with kids who act inappropriately. Once they are teenagers and met with kids who smoke or use illegal drugs or the host of other things no parent wants their kids to engage in, they will be secure in their abilities to stand up for their values and choose to not partake.

My kids are smart enough to learn these things but they won't learn if I don't give them the tools and opportunity to practice when the consequences of choosing to "hang" with the "rotten" kids are small.

I'm not saying to let the rotten kid beat up on our kids. I'll be the first to step in and tell the kid not to hit --even if his parent is nearby and within earshot. I have no problem parenting someone else's child if they either didn't see the incident or if they simply chose to ignore it. No one hurts my kid and gets off scott-free.

But if the kid is just saying naughty things or playing with toys we don't particularly care for, I think there is some value in letting our children hear and see those things while explaining that our families value different things. Our kids will likely make choices that we wish they wouldn't make at first, but with enough practice and enough reinforcement of our values, the message will still get through. And in time that the big decisions are easy to make, and choose the "right" choice.

At least I hope so.

My big girl

What happened to the infant who screamed and screamed until her Daddy came home and put her on the removable changing table that came with our pack-n-play? Her Daddy carried her around the house on that changing pad and she would gurgle and coo as though she hadn't just spent the last hour giving her Mommy a headache.

Where is the baby who suckered her Amma into letting her hold pinkies to walk all over the yard until she felt confident enough to take steps on her own?
How is it that I no longer have a one-year-old mountain climber?

Where is that not-quite-two-year-old who fought naps so strongly that she would tear apart her room and fall asleep only after working herself into exhaustion (and in the most interesting places)?
Today, she's a preschool graduate, and ready to move on to even bigger things. . . like Kindergarten.

Live like there's no tomorrow

You can't live your life in fear. It's no way to live and gives others the upper hand on your life. But you also shouldn't live like you'll always have the chance to set things right with the people you love and care about.

The events last week at Virginia Tech sicken me. At the same time, I wonder how many of those killed thought that they had all the time in the world. How many said something in anger, not realizing their hurtful words would be the last they said to someone they care about?

Thinking about this has made me more conscious of my tone of voice when speaking to my family. Kids are generally not trying to piss people off. They are learning. Unfortunately a lot of the learning occurs when they make mistakes. But if they can't screw up around their family who love them without being made to feel that they are worthless because of a mistake (which are small in most cases), how will they have the confidence to venture out in the world?

I'm the first to admit that I yell at my kids more often than I should. I start out calmly telling them to stop doing something and the volume increases as they seemingly ignore me until I'm screaming at them. It's a fault of mine that I feel strongly that I need to obliterate.

I've been reading Fay's Love and Logic Magic For Early Childhood and attempting to use the information. They give great suggestions for dealing with the usual kid stuff that drives parents nuts. And it seems to work. In fact, it works better than yelling and everyone feels better at the end of the day.

If I should not be here tomorrow, I want my last words to my kids to be delivered in a loving and respectful tone. Because that's how I want to be treated, and so do kids. Maybe my last words would be corrective in nature, but they can be loving in tone. I will be assured that my kids will most likely know that I loved them, no matter what.

I shudder to think that my kids might remember their mommy having a tantrum more than their mommy lovingly reading them a book or even their mommy whispering "I love you" in their ears.

Too often, we say things in anger to cause another person to feel bad. Mostly, I think we say things like that because we're feeling poorly about ourselves.

I'm working on my own issues so that I don't burden my children or the rest of my family with them.

Because I love them that much.

Sunday school teacher?

I'm a Sunday school teacher. It's been almost 2 years since I started to attempt to teach kids 6 and younger about various aspects of the Bible.

I confess that when I agreed to teach I had NO IDEA what I was signing up for. I am not very familiar with the Bible. I own a Bible and I actually attempted to read it in college, but I don't remember how far I got (although it was a fairly valiant attempt if I remember right) and honestly, I didn't retain much of what I read.

So there I was at that first "planning" meeting with 3 women I didn't know, planning to teach kids about stuff I didn't know much about.

Therein lies the beauty of teaching little kids. They generally don't realize that you are talking out of your ass.

Last year I faked it pretty well. We had a lead teacher who planned things out really well.

This year? Not so much. I've had to come up with my own lessons and activities. My lesson plan consists of "this week teach about the Red Sea."

I was actually fairly happy with my lesson about the Red Sea. We read 2 stories. Then we pretended different kids were Moses and my fellow teacher and I parted the paper Red Sea on the floor so "Moses" and his followers could cross and then put the sea back to normal so it could sweep away those evil army men. Um, yeah. Seriously drawing a blank on who was following them. Bad. After each kid had the opportunity to be Moses we had them color in some mini-books about that part of the story (we have a workbook that has mini-books). For a change, the whole hour passed without the urge to put VeggieTales in the VCR and make the kids "Veg" out.

These days are few this year.

I feel like we aren't teaching the kids much, at least on the days that I am there. I hope the other ladies are having more success.

I am trying to decide if I want to continue "teaching" next year. On the one hand, it forces us to go to church on Sunday, but on the other hand, we don't attend the service unless M is singing because I feel like I've "done" my church for the day when I "teach."

Okay, so here's the real issue. There is one kid in the class that disrupts everything. From the moment he enters the room he whips Miss M into a frenzy of activity. They are running circles around the room, hiding behind the piano, climbing the piano, throwing things. You get the general idea. He refuses to participate most of the time but if you ask him a direct question about the story, he will answer correctly. I think he has ADHD or something like that.

If he does have ADHD, then he needs medication. His mom has said that she thinks he has it, but I don't know about then diagnosis process. I think they don't diagnose until they are in school (he's only 4).

Anyway. He is a handful. I don't like how Miss M reacts when he is around. His little sister will likely be in the classroom in the fall as well.

So will K. And his cousin.

It sounds like a whole lotta work for next year.

I secretly love the appreciation (what little there is) and recognition of the church "officials." And I kind of like that several people in the church know who I am simply because I am "involved."

I wonder if I can handle the chaos next year though. I need a concrete lesson plan to follow and I'm not versed enough about the Bible to create lesson plans so I can't be the lead teacher.

I'm thinking that ADHD boy will have a major shock at kindergarten in the fall so that may change things as well.

Oh crap. I'll probably do it again. Like a dummy.

Favorite childhood reading memory

The ladies at CHBM have another contest. This one is sponsored by CHBM and Kane/Miller Publishing Company. We're supposed to write about our favorite memory of being read to as a child OR our favorite memory of reading to your own child.

The prize is a book from Kane/Miller Publishing Company. We love books at our house. Books are one thing that I don't mind spending money on (much to my husband's chagrin).

My favorite memory of being read to as a child, hands down, is being read to by my maternal grandfather, K. (Obviously, my son is named after him!)

We lived in NY, but spent summertime in MN with my grandparents. Many times I'd sneak a flashlight and sneak into the area by the "pickle cellar" and grab books off of the bookcase there. Things like The Old Man and the Sea and other somewhat musty-smelling volumes.

But before I was in the bed in the basement, my grandpa would read to me. I'd have my bath and climb into his lap in the orange-striped recliner with 2-3 books. I'd snuggle into his chest and inhale his after-shave. He read stories like Put Me in the Zoo and Ten Apples Up On Top.

But he wouldn't just read the book. He'd turn it upside-down and feign ignorance. What do you mean the book is upside-down? He'd try to start reading from the end of the book. What? That's not right?

I can still hear his laughter. I can still smell his after-shave.

He's been gone for 17 years. But I still miss him. I'd love to crawl into his lap and tell him he has the book upside-down. Listen to the street sounds outside as we cuddled in the recliner next to the door. Try to escape his leg-locks after the books have been read.

I think my grandfather's enthusiasm for reading out loud had a lot to do with my love of reading. And since I've had my children, I've discovered how fun it is to read out loud to them. Of course, at night, they both want to be with Dad since they've been with me all day. But last night, M, K and I were in M's room playing Little People (there was a looong line of people waiting for the Ferris wheel which kept them both entertained for longer than you'd think). I found one of the books that my mom had kept from when I was little. I just opened it and started reading.

Soon I found myself shouting I'D LIKE A LOAF OF BREAD! and I'D LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT! It was so fun. The kids were giggling. How else can you read Mr. Noisy?

Good day for a change

Today was a good day. Why? Because I finally had some positive feedback about one of my children. Positive reinforcement. It works for parents too. In fact, it works so well that my husband commented tonight that I was in the best mood he's seen me in for at least a couple of weeks.

Without further ado, this, apparently is what it takes to put me in a good mood:

I went to get M from the "sibling care" room where she is entertained during K's ECFE class. I opened the door and was greeted by her smiling face, as usual. She has a great time in this room with these 2 young women and one other 4-year-old, and several toddlers/babies.

The women who care for her in my absence told me today: "M is soooo much fun to have here." "She really is so polite." "She's a joy to be around." "She's so well-behaved."

Seriously? I thought they were talking to some invisible mommy behind me.

I told the women how great it was to hear something like that, because, let's face it, you don't often hear good things. It's just a fact of life, if your kid is generally good, the teachers and care-givers just don't say anything to you.

When you've had a bunch of crappy parenting days in a row. . . a little positive reinforcement can go a long way.

I was more patient in the car on the way home. Lunch? Much more relaxed.

We were late for preschool. Know what? I didn't care that much.

Then I got to my parent group today for M's preschool. Our topic? Friendships and play and how our kids are developing these "skills."

I think 3-4 moms in the group said something positive about Miss M and her social skills.

I'm not sure how much of these skills I had anything to do with. Her daddy is a pretty social guy and can chat up anyone, anywhere. But I did get her into ECFE very early and we did playgroups even when the kids didn't acknowledge another kid in the room.

Whatever the reason, she's Miss Social. My hostess when I forget to offer drinks or whatever. And, apparently, already learning to be a good friend.

YAY for days like these. And for kids like mine.


You go, Miss M! I wish I could be like you too.