If I'm Only 29 That Means I Birthed Her When I Was 16

Of course, that's not unheard of...having a baby at 16. Thankfully, that is not the case with me. If I had birthed a baby at 16 I'm fairly certain I would have been a much worse parent than I already am. Miss M, I am sure, thinks that I am a terrible mother. I am "mean" and "embarrassing" and "annoying." These things I claim as my right as a mother. On the weekends, my husband likes to tell her he will "poke the grumpy bear" as she is particularly disagreeable in the morning hours. I don't blame her. Mornings are not my forte either.

All three of my kids have a strong sense of self. They recognize when people are jerks and generally steer clear of those kids. This often means that my kids will feel that their dad or I are being jerks and will then stand up to us. This defiance is different at different ages, of course. Ms. D is currently at the stage where she sasses back about everything and "I don't care" is the response to any threats of removal of privileges. K Man generally just shouts at me when he disagrees with what I say. There is a lot of shouting. Then he'll want to get hugs and kisses a few minutes later. Adolescence is a little schizophrenic.

Then there is Miss M. She's 13 going on 21 or something like that. She holes up in her bedroom 90 percent of the time, which is pretty much what I did in middle school. It kind of sucks, because I like having her around, but I get it. I was once 13, 16 or more years ago.

She brought home a high school information packet today. There are a lot more options for electives, etc, than when I was in high school. It was almost overwhelming. The cool thing about it was that she was so interested in almost everything offered. That was also the hard thing. How do you determine what you want to do in life at 13? I think we had a good discussion about the pros and cons of different electives. Then I wanted to curl up in a ball and deny the fact that my first baby is going to high school next year.

Just so you know: I can't possibly be old enough to have a kid in high school.

I'm not sure when I finally got over the amazement that I was a parent, but I remember feeling that I was participating in some form of charades for several years after M was born. I no longer feel like I am not "old enough" to have kids (nice that I can recognize truth after 10 plus years!) but that doesn't mean I don't screw up a lot.

I still want to put my kids in a freezer, yet I am looking forward to who they will become. In the meantime, I am cherishing snuggles from D and K, and poking my grumpy bear Miss M.

Kids Are so Lucky They're Cute

I love my children I love my children I love my children I love my children.

Some days I need to remind myself more than others.

I'd forgotten how challenging 4-year-olds can be. Perhaps M and K were not so challenging or maybe my memory is failing. I should read my own archives. Who am I kidding? Of course K was challenging. He was such an easygoing baby, but once he hit toddlerhood he's been going full-tilt. I bet he was an easy baby just because of all of his ear infections.

D is cute and she knows it. On vacation last week ("up North" as we say here) D was floating on a raft with my sister-in-law and I and sighed "I'm sooooo adorable." It's apparently really hard to be cute.

With three children asserting their independence and intent on annoying one another every second of every day it's hard to stop myself from bludgeoning myself to death. I've even asked them if they are TRYING to drive me insane. They say no, then go back to bickering. ::slams head on desk::

Sometimes I really think the parents who chose to have only one child are the smartest. They've done the parenting thing. No sibling battles. No attention seeking. Get one of my kids by themselves and they're perfect angels...well, most of the time.

But I know that I would never have been satisfied with one child. So I deal with the constant picking, teasing, back-talking. Someday I will miss this, or so I've been told. Then I see my father with the one or two siblings he still talks to and I see they still pick on one another. ::slams head on desk::

Is it just my kids or do everyone's kids open something and throw the trash on the floor where they stand? It doesn't matter if they're right in front of the trash can or (GASP!) 10 steps from it, they will drop the trash where they are. It's super fun to pick up. EVERY DAY. AT LEAST 30 TIMES A DAY.

I spent 3 hours yesterday afternoon trying to make my kids' rooms at the very least, navigable. My in-laws were due to arrive for a short visit and they usually take the 2 bigs' beds. The crap I find in my kids' rooms (especially K Man's) is astounding. Seriously, why does an almost-8-year-old need a sandwich bag full of sugar? ::shrugs::

So it's freaking Friday the thirteenth. After the last 12 months or so we've had, I'd like to call "Uncle" and hope Friday the 13th plays nice. ::air kisses to Friday 13::

Freaking Barf Sucks

You know how you try to do everything possible to make the days with your kids happy and fun and create memories and bonding and try to make the best decisions possible? Yeah, you probably do. If that's the case then you probably also know how sucky it is when you make promises to go someplace (let's just say Chuck E . Cheese's for S's and G's) and then your toddler wakes up at 5:30 a.m. after crawling into bed with you just after her Daddy gets up to get ready for work and barfs all over herself, you and the sheets. That was the start of my day yesterday, and while there are worse things to go through in life it still is hard to see my son's face crumple in disappointment when he hears we will not be going to visit the big freaking mouse and playing games at lunch time. I call Miss M and K Man my "Bigs" and because they are several years older than their little sister it is easy for me to expect them to behave more maturely. It is easy for me to forget they are still young. But six and eight sound so young when I really listen to myself say their ages. There is a lot of growing up to do still. Disappointment is a part of life but it doesn't make the tears any easier to bear. With any luck, we'll visit the giant mouse today, eat lunch and play games. The disappointment of yesterday will fade away into nothing. D will feel better, we will have fun and move on...another day in our lives.