The Viral Post 2020 #1

Fair warning. I have a lot of thoughts that contain swear words lately. If that offends you...click away now!

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This pandemic makes me feel like I'm living is some sort of shit dystopian novel. I have nightmares about somehow falling and needles of increasing sizes become embedded in my skin. I pull them out one by one but more appear each time I think I've removed them all. I stay up later and later and wake up later and later. My land of "give a fucks" is pretty much barren.

I work(ed) in an elementary school with students that have emotional and behavior disorders. I miss the kids every day. I miss the hugs. I miss the defiance. I miss it all. I miss my coworkers. I miss laughter. We had to pack up the entire school last week because it's being remodeled. Libraries look very strange with no books on the shelves.

I've been working from home for a while. I'm making Kahoot! quizzes, recording videos, drawing pictures, etc. We have "professional development" modules to watch as well, that are boring as hell. I fell asleep during one about ADHD and now I'm thinking I may have the inattentive type. I still scored 100% on the quiz at the end so that's cool. I'm going to write letters to some of my students because apparently that's the only contact I'm allowed to have while others get to have google meets and phone calls.

My oldest is a senior and of course has looked forward to high school graduation for years. We got her a beautiful prom gown for senior prom that hangs unworn in her closet. Graduation ceremonies were planned then reconsidered. Her graduation party at home will probably be a drive-by affair. The all-night grad party at the school that most of us enjoyed? Not happening. I thought her graduation year would be so cool. 2020! How cool is that? Then covid-19 happened and the world is shit.

I have been called numerous times about my son not checking in for attendance. I kind of want to scream about it. He's on an IEP. He's doing some work. Should be good enough because this whole distance learning thing is bullshit. But yeah. PLEASE keep calling me about fucking attendance on a computer. Not stressful at all.

My Ms. D has been struggling since starting middle school this year. The pandemic is not helping things. I fear my D is following in my footsteps of the self-doubt even though deep down we know we're awesome. Thankfully, she has an awesome school counselor that is working with us to keep her positive and also to mediate the school work load.

M and I have asthma so we're supposedly at a higher risk. We've both been off work for many weeks. I order groceries online and try to support local restaurants. It's made me gain the CO-VID 25 at least. If the virus itself doesn't claim me, obesity and diabetes might. I'm sitting on my ass daily and eating more than I should. Though most days I only eat one meal. But it's a shit meal of too many calories. I chalk it up to helping small local restaurants survive.

I will have more rants to come.

My Boy is Fifteen Now

The boy started his first year of high school back in September. He's grown several inches in the last couple of years and is now almost as tall as I am.

I wouldn't call him Destructo-Boy anymore as he is more of a fixer now. He can do things with computers that I don't understand. He has taught himself how to code and he can figure out how to recover information from hard drives that were thought lost. That's just the stuff I know!

He likes to make jokes and drive his sisters crazy with teasing. He makes me laugh and also sometimes drives me nuts. He gives great hugs and is probably the only one of my three kids that regularly tells me he loves me.

He finished his driver's training classroom lessons last week and will attempt to pass his permit test tomorrow. It will be challenging for a kid who has trouble with memory, but I know he will try his best and will have done everything he can to prepare.

My Dad's shirt kind of fits him now!

His efforts to overcome obstacles and to be a kind person make me so proud to be his mom.

Happy birthday dude. I love you.

Per Miss M's Request

Hi! I have been absent here for a long time again. Miss M and I were talking and it turns out she likes it when I write about her and she wanted me to start to write again. She almost always gets what she wants so I guess this is no different.

I'll give you the Cliff Notes version of what you've missed to start.

Miss M is now 16, almost 17. She's driving. A car. By herself. Today she scheduled college classes for her senior year of high school. (Post-secondary education option) She has a boyfriend who lives in another state. We visited him and his family last summer and he flew here to take her to prom last month. He's a nice kid and he makes her laugh so that's half the requirements for a good relationship right there. M was playing softball up until this year when a certain coach killed her love of the game. Pisses me off to no end, but that's another post for another day. I think I have a pretty good relationship with Miss M, but I have been known to make some major embarrassing mom blunders, so that might depend on the day or the week. Oh and she's GORGEOUS. I'll post a photo in a future post. Maybe. Or I'll just keep her gorgeousness to myself. We shall see.

In other news, my son emerged from his room, sat on my lap, and farted on me just now, so I've got that going for me, which is nice.

Speaking of the K Man, he just finished his Freshie year in high school. He's finding high school much more tolerable than middle school was and is doing well. He's always been a bit worried about his (lack of) height but is now almost as tall as I am. (I'm 5'9") The boy eats constantly but is still skinny as a rail. I miss those days when I was like that! K Man makes me laugh all the time, and I make him laugh too. I think we have very similar senses of humor. It's almost like I birthed and raised him! Weird! K Man will be 15 this summer so driver's education and permit for driving are in his near future. He is a computer whiz and teaching himself to code in several languages. I don't even know what he's doing because I'm not that smart. Oh and he's such a HANDSOME dude. Of course he is, because I grew him.

Ms. D. My baby. She is finishing with elementary school and heading for middle school. I NO LONGER HAVE KIDS IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL! (After 2 more days.) She had her 5th grade slide show today that we give a "baby" photo for and then they take a current photo. Everyone knew D right away because she's just always been Ms. D. This girl is full of confidence and sass. I have no worries about her fading into the background anywhere. But she is also kind, I hope. Though we have our moments where the sass comes out and I have to tell her she is just being rude. She's playing softball, following in her sister's footsteps, but getting more of a chance at it since M didn't start playing until 9th grade. Should have started her sooner, but I didn't think or know about it I guess. D is learning to pitch, but she lacks discipline so far. Hope she can focus in the future!

My husband is still around. I've rarely, if ever, written about him, because I try to respect that my need to write doesn't mean it's okay to write about others. We've been married for a little more than 18 1/2 years now and together for about 23 years. We have a real relationship. I don't pretend it's always roses. If anyone married for a number of years says it's all fantastic I'm pretty sure they're lying. But we're committed to each other and we make it work. We've been through a lot of shit together. Health problems for our parents is challenging these last several years. His brother's death. Aunts and Uncles of both of ours passing on. Marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. But we keep at it. We'll get through this too.

As for me? I'm working with kids who struggle with life in general. I'm about one year away from becoming a mental health practitioner. Every day I work with kids is an adventure. I am the safe person for several students. Most of the kids I work with have had or are experiencing some type of childhood trauma. I've forged relationships. I've been kicked. I still know those kids need someone like me.

Until next time.

If I'm Only 29 That Means I Birthed Her When I Was 16

Of course, that's not unheard of...having a baby at 16. Thankfully, that is not the case with me. If I had birthed a baby at 16 I'm fairly certain I would have been a much worse parent than I already am. Miss M, I am sure, thinks that I am a terrible mother. I am "mean" and "embarrassing" and "annoying." These things I claim as my right as a mother. On the weekends, my husband likes to tell her he will "poke the grumpy bear" as she is particularly disagreeable in the morning hours. I don't blame her. Mornings are not my forte either.

All three of my kids have a strong sense of self. They recognize when people are jerks and generally steer clear of those kids. This often means that my kids will feel that their dad or I are being jerks and will then stand up to us. This defiance is different at different ages, of course. Ms. D is currently at the stage where she sasses back about everything and "I don't care" is the response to any threats of removal of privileges. K Man generally just shouts at me when he disagrees with what I say. There is a lot of shouting. Then he'll want to get hugs and kisses a few minutes later. Adolescence is a little schizophrenic.

Then there is Miss M. She's 13 going on 21 or something like that. She holes up in her bedroom 90 percent of the time, which is pretty much what I did in middle school. It kind of sucks, because I like having her around, but I get it. I was once 13, 16 or more years ago.

She brought home a high school information packet today. There are a lot more options for electives, etc, than when I was in high school. It was almost overwhelming. The cool thing about it was that she was so interested in almost everything offered. That was also the hard thing. How do you determine what you want to do in life at 13? I think we had a good discussion about the pros and cons of different electives. Then I wanted to curl up in a ball and deny the fact that my first baby is going to high school next year.

Just so you know: I can't possibly be old enough to have a kid in high school.

I'm not sure when I finally got over the amazement that I was a parent, but I remember feeling that I was participating in some form of charades for several years after M was born. I no longer feel like I am not "old enough" to have kids (nice that I can recognize truth after 10 plus years!) but that doesn't mean I don't screw up a lot.

I still want to put my kids in a freezer, yet I am looking forward to who they will become. In the meantime, I am cherishing snuggles from D and K, and poking my grumpy bear Miss M.

My Boy Has A Lot Of Promise

My son started 5th grade 2 weeks ago. He goes to a school that has a short 6-week summer break and starts the next grade at the end of July. School is then in session for 9 weeks, followed by 3 weeks of break. We love the schedule for the most part. It's difficult in some ways now that my oldest child is in middle school and is on a traditional school calendar, but we wish that she was on the modified calendar still!

K Man has been diagnosed with dysgraphia, fine motor skill delay and short-term memory impairment. We have taken him for testing twice since 2nd grade. He tests with a high average IQ which, in Minnesota, disqualifies him for an IEP, but he still is able to have a 504 plan. (Don't know what they are? Please Google!)

We are very fortunate to have a principal that is willing to go the extra mile for the kids in his school, so he found a loophole to get K Man OT to improve his handwriting (it is better, but still hard to read) and extra help to develop his general writing skills. He's also received help with reading since 2nd grade.

The school uses a color system to level the kids for their reading skills. K Man was below grade level all of last year. Just today K Man almost tested at grade level. He was 2 vocab words away from testing AT GRADE LEVEL. This is HUGE for him and I am so proud of him. He has come a long way since 2nd grade.

I know the kid is brilliant in perhaps, non-conventional ways. He will find a niche and blow it out of the water. He continues to surprise and perplex me. I'm sure I'll never understand how his mind works. I'm excited to see his future endeavors.

Now There Are Two in Double Digits

Yes, it's true. K Man is the big 1-0. He started fifth grade on Monday, then yesterday he had his tenth birthday and it's a whole lot of growing up in two days.

 He's growing into such a handsome and smart guy. He's funny and loving (most of the time). He can also tick me off to no end, but that's not surprising considering he has two stubborn parents. Love this boy so much.

Halloween is Never as easy as it should be

 By evening the children were all ready to go begging for candy...but it's never an easy road there. I woke this morning to Ms. D barfing in my bed in Craig's vacated spot. So that was fun. D and I took the Bigs to school while we were still in pajamas, then returned home and back to bed.

Thankfully, D awoke with no more barfs. 

M went to school intending to be Katniss from The Hunger Games. We were at PTA Tuesday night later than I thought we'd be so when we got home I had to attempt the Katniss braid. Meh. I did okay for a first try, but I'm no Hollywood hair stylist. Of course when the "character parade" (NOT Halloween parade of course...we are all ostriches with our heads in the sand, right?) came around and she saw the other cool costumes she was not as enthused about the somewhat plain Katniss costume. Plus, most of the kids had no idea who she was supposed to be. So, after school M morphed into a zebra instead. Her face paint looked fabulous. Damn, her mom is gifted.

 K Man wanted to be a zombie. In his head all he needed was ripped clothes and green hair. When I told him to take his t-shirt outside and get it dirty he balked. I give him permission to get dirty and he doesn't want to listen. Finally he did it but today he wears the shirt backwards (where he didn't get it dirty and I didn't rip it.) because he loves to drive his mother as crazy as possible. He also refused to wear makeup to make him look more like a zombie. Of course once I finally coaxed him into the makeup I forgot to take a close up photo of just him.

We made it through it all...and now I'm thinking about next year's costumes. Is that normal to think that far ahead?

Then He Started Reading Voluntarily

Before K Man started Kindergarten, he loved having my husband or I read to him. His favorite book by far was Green Eggs and Ham. There was a time that I pretty much had that book memorized, and you know it is something like 65 pages long...just a few words on each page...but still, sixty-five pages of a children's book. We could never read it just once either. It had to be at least twice.

I will not eat them on a train or in a house or in the rain. Or something like that. These days, getting K Man to read is a lot like being Sam I Am trying to convince him to try green eggs and ham. Since starting Kindergarten four years ago, when he was required to start to learn to read himself, he has become much less fond of reading. He seldom even asked us to read to him.

I probably should have seen the flags right away. It's strange for a child who loves books so much to suddenly recoil at the thought of them. But no, I just thought he was too active to sit long enough for a book. I thought it was normal letter-reversals. I remember asking everyone if it was weird that he still confused b's and d's and 2's and 5's and several other letters and numbers even when he was near the end of 1st grade. Everyone said it was still normal, but something still was tugging at my mind. It didn't seem right. So, we had him tested before the start of second grade.

Now here we sit, a little more than one year later. He is making progress in some areas and not in others. Spelling is still a nightmare. His reading, however, continues to improve.

Last weekend, he received his Bible from our church. (All third graders receive either a children's Bible or a traditional Bible from our church.) I chose the traditional Bible for K Man, even with his reading difficulties. He was proud to receive it, I could tell.

Then he started reading it, voluntarily. I'm not sure if you know this, but the Bible is not exactly easy reading, especially for a kid who has difficulties with reading. I asked him about the book and he told me he read about "this lady who wasn't supposed to eat some fruit but she did..."

A see a glimmer of hope.

Dang, My Boy is CUTE!

We Learn to Deal With Learning Disability

 K Man's official medical diagnosis is a "disorder of written expression" (which is also called dysgraphia) and ADD NOS (though I disagree with this assessment since it was made before his dysgraphia diagnosis.)  We obtained the diagnosis a little more than a year ago and floundered all last year about what to do with the information.

This year, the school is taking things more seriously. (It was an unusual year the last part of the school year last year and we wondered if some of the issues were related to family crises such as losing an uncle at a young age and a grandfather having a life-threatening illness.)

We've met and drafted a 504 plan. Thus far, the principal and the district psychologist do not think he qualifies for an Individualized Education Plan (IEP), mostly because his IQ scores during his testing were high. So, we know he is intelligent (which, if you know him, is quite obvious.) but his school testing is consistently below grade level in reading fluency (though not comprehension), writing and especially spelling. Spelling in particular is a nightmare. He has fewer words to study (an accommodation we put in place last year) but still spells only 1-3 words correctly on a given test. Occasionally, there is an anomaly and he'll get 12 correct even when he's only supposed to study 10. (This has only happened twice.)

Under his 504, he will be tested away from the majority of his class in small group settings or just him with a paraprofessional. He expressed great relief when he heard of this because he said "Oh good! Now I don't have to hear the kids sharpen their pencils." It should be noted that he's been known to sharpen his pencil several times during the day, but if he thinks this will help, so be it. He will have non-reading and non-spelling related tests read to him so we can test his knowledge in each subject without bringing his disability into the mix.

There are other accommodations as well.

After I asked some questions, he told me recently that it physically hurts him to write for any length of time. I can't imagine what that is like, especially when everyone is asking you to write all the time. He pointed to the area beneath and around and his thumb and said his wrist also causes him pain. For someone like me, who loves to write and loves the feel of a great pen or pencil on paper, this is disheartening to hear. He'll never love writing like I do.

He consistently reverses letters and numbers even now in 3rd grade. Bs and Ds are especially difficult still, as well as 2s and 5s. He's been taking his spelling tests on the computer for a while now. When he reads he skips words, skips entire lines, adds words and sometimes simply guesses on what he thinks the sentence will be. His fluency has improved since the end of July (when my bigs started school) but it is still below grade level.

I wish there were some magical solution to make his brain work like most everyone else's, but I suspect that he wouldn't be the unique kid that he is if that were the case. The challenge is to teach his differently-wired brain to learn the things he needs to succeed in life. Our journey is just beginning and I worry daily. I don't ever want to have a regret I didn't help him enough.

Kids Are so Lucky They're Cute

I love my children I love my children I love my children I love my children.

Some days I need to remind myself more than others.

I'd forgotten how challenging 4-year-olds can be. Perhaps M and K were not so challenging or maybe my memory is failing. I should read my own archives. Who am I kidding? Of course K was challenging. He was such an easygoing baby, but once he hit toddlerhood he's been going full-tilt. I bet he was an easy baby just because of all of his ear infections.

D is cute and she knows it. On vacation last week ("up North" as we say here) D was floating on a raft with my sister-in-law and I and sighed "I'm sooooo adorable." It's apparently really hard to be cute.

With three children asserting their independence and intent on annoying one another every second of every day it's hard to stop myself from bludgeoning myself to death. I've even asked them if they are TRYING to drive me insane. They say no, then go back to bickering. ::slams head on desk::

Sometimes I really think the parents who chose to have only one child are the smartest. They've done the parenting thing. No sibling battles. No attention seeking. Get one of my kids by themselves and they're perfect angels...well, most of the time.

But I know that I would never have been satisfied with one child. So I deal with the constant picking, teasing, back-talking. Someday I will miss this, or so I've been told. Then I see my father with the one or two siblings he still talks to and I see they still pick on one another. ::slams head on desk::

Is it just my kids or do everyone's kids open something and throw the trash on the floor where they stand? It doesn't matter if they're right in front of the trash can or (GASP!) 10 steps from it, they will drop the trash where they are. It's super fun to pick up. EVERY DAY. AT LEAST 30 TIMES A DAY.

I spent 3 hours yesterday afternoon trying to make my kids' rooms at the very least, navigable. My in-laws were due to arrive for a short visit and they usually take the 2 bigs' beds. The crap I find in my kids' rooms (especially K Man's) is astounding. Seriously, why does an almost-8-year-old need a sandwich bag full of sugar? ::shrugs::

So it's freaking Friday the thirteenth. After the last 12 months or so we've had, I'd like to call "Uncle" and hope Friday the 13th plays nice. ::air kisses to Friday 13::

I just can't quit you and then I ramble on

I still have little to say, but I can't let this place get too dusty. Darn. The spiders are already spinning their cobwebs in every corner.

Still, I don't know how to write here yet without including my kids. I could still include D, but then it would feel like I wasn't being "fair" to my other kids, though it's probably best to not write about the Bigs as much anymore anyway.

So, what to do? I don't think I can mothball Cool Zebras entirely. I suppose I have to reinvent the wheel so to speak. Photography, crafts, weight loss (please let me lose weight! Gaaaahhhh!), fiction and poetry...what type of blog to morph into? I'm not sure right now.

Is there anyone still out there reading anyway?

I guess that doesn't really matter that much, but I'd still be interested to know. I'll write here anyway.

Have you read The Hunger Games series? I really enjoyed the books myself. I liked the first 2 books better than the last one, just because I enjoyed the development of relationships more than the issues dealt with in the last book. I was team Peeta all the way, but then I am a sucker for the boy next door. My 9 (almost 10)-year-old wants to read the series. I'm not sure if she should, but when I went to the movie there were a lot of younger kids there. I'm probably too protective. The whole kids killing kids thing, yet we have that in many cities in the U.S. even today. The Hunger Games is set in post-apocalyptic America, so by the time of the novels there has been extreme violence and hardship. Also, the majority of the kids selected for the games are older. It is a more modern thought that kids are "kids" until they are 18.

I have to admit I sometimes think that kids should not be considered kids at a younger age.

But my kids are not yet at that age so it's easier for me to say so.

When Is Blogging Hurting Kids' Right to Privacy?

I have opened a blank page many times over the last several days. The blank page is sometimes intimidating to me, but this intimidation has been different. It seems the end of this blog has come about organically. I no longer see everything my children do and say as blog fodder. It is tempered with the thoughts that my kids' lives are inherently private. Maybe they always have been, but when my nearing-10-year-old asks me a personal question about getting older I have to censor myself.

How would I feel if my honest and open questions had been broadcast to the masses? I was humiliated enough when I first got my period. I had little knowledge of what would happen. It happened to start during a long car ride. I used wads of toilet paper to deal with it for 2 days.

Things that should not have been humiliating to me, were. I got my first bra in 6th grade. I wish girls could wait that long now. {censor what I want to say about this! Gah!} The boys teased us mercilessly. They'd run a pencil eraser up our backs to see if there was a bump in the back. It was a big deal then. I haven't cared for many, many years who knew I was wearing a bra.

So I think this blog is ending at least as a "mommy blog." It no longer feels right to blog about my Bigs, especially my oldest Big. I know there are few readers left here anyway.

I will re-work this blog, probably focusing more on my photography.

I reserve the right to post random thoughts.

As I Once Again Consider "Unschooling"

There is a reason for traditional education. People make judgements about you by the way you speak, the way you write, even the way you dress. I once got a job because I wore nice shoes to the interview.

There are also reasons to buck tradition and cultivate unique talents in individuals. It used to be that you could graduate from high school and get on-the-job training. It seems that is a thing of the past and I think it's sad.

I'm willing to bet there are several qualified people out there who couldn't go to college that would be perfect for on-the-job training, who would also happily work at that job for a lifetime. Many businesses are going to only hiring college graduates now. I think these are the people who will view any "starter job" as just that. Temporary. Then the company will be forced to train another person every 1-2 years instead of training one person for 30 years.

I went on this tangent of thought following my son's school conference. He has much work to do to catch up to his peers. Dyslexia sucks. (But I will take dyslexia if it means avoiding cancer and more craptastic obstacles in life.) He is trying SO HARD to learn and it is still falling short. I am trying with everything I have to make sure he knows he is SMART. Oh boy is this kid SMART!

I can't help but think of genius like Einstein.

Don't misunderstand. My son's IQ is not in the genius range. (And I'm happy that it isn't.) Super intelligence seems to beget super problems socially. My son is very social and very enthusiastic about life...most of the time.

But my son struggles in school. He's reading at about a first grade level near the end of second grade. His writing is sloppy (in Kindergarten it was remarkably neat...I don't know where it went wrong.) and his spelling is atrocious.

I wonder how much these things matter though. How often do you hand write something at your job? When do you not have access to a spell check? (Seems like spelling tests should focus on homophones.)

If you are going to be a cashier, learning to make change is still important. What if you type in the wrong thing to the register? Is it really necessary to call a manager to make change when someone has a bill of $12.06, gives you a $20 and 6 cents?

There is a disconnect with teaching children real life skills.

Things most people should know by the time they are adults:

1. How to separate clothes before washing.
2. How to run the washing machine.
3. How to toast a slice of bread.
4. How to make change.
5. How to sew on a button.
6. Basic manners: ie: holding a door open, letting a pregnant woman pee before you if there's a line, expressing gratitude when someone helps you, and for the love of God pick the thing up if someone drops it.
7. How to make small talk and make someone feel special. (I have crapped out on this one.)
8. Recognize that the world owes you nothing.
9. Give your elders the respect they deserve. (Not if they are abusive or other non-respectful crap.)
10. Know what to do if you are separated from your group.

My son is very intelligent. His niche is there, whatever he wants to do and to be.

Traditional school does not hold my heart.

Kid Vignettes

First M decides she will buy herself a box of Girl Scout cookies with her own money. She chooses Samoas after a nice man buys a box for the girls at a cookie booth. He could no longer eat his favorite cookie because he was on a gluten free diet. (Dear Girl Scouts, perhaps a gluten free cookie for next year?!?) She discovers a new love for Samoas.

She carefully counts out $3.50 in coins. Moments later, Mr. K Man arrives with his carefully counted out coins. He selects the new cookie, Savannah Smiles.

D pipes up: I get cookies too!

M: Well, do you have money?

D: Yes I do!

She marches upstairs and grabs her piggy bank, insisting that M count out her change.

She chooses Savannah Smiles.

******************

K Man loses a tooth on a Tuesday.
He loses the lost tooth until Thursday. Clearly, losing teeth has become routine and uneventful.
Friday after school:

Me: So, did the tooth fairy bring you some good cash?

K: Oh! I forgot to look!

****************

::commercial plays for some kind of substance that makes bath water goopy, then makes it normal water again so it can go down the drain::

M: I think most girls wouldn't like that, but I would, because I'm no ordinary girl.

Me: So are you exceptional or weird.

M, without a beat: I'm pretty sure I'm exceptional.

******************

And The Boy Struggles On

My son is a remarkable person. I'd guess that most people who meet him will remember him for a long time. My evidence of this is when we visited Amish country one year later and one of the Amish ladies asked us if we'd been there before. We said yes but there was no spark to her memory until K Man came around the corner and started chatting with her. "Oh yes!" she said, recognition breaking through. "I remember him!" He makes an impression.

When we finally had him tested for ADHD and learning disabilities, it was a hard decision to make. I worried that he would be diagnosed with ADHD and we'd have to put him on medication. I worried he'd be a different kid. It turned out that he was "borderline" ADHD which led us to test him for learning disabilities.

Short story, for those who haven't read about it, is that he has "a disorder of written expression" which is a round-about way of saying he has dyslexia. (Or a more specific way of describing the area of his particular disability.)

We met with the principal of his school who then met with K's teacher and other staff to make a plan for him. The plan was implemented last quarter. Or at least we thought it was.

My son's self-esteem has dropped. Kids at school are teasing him because he "won't get enough points to pass" second grade. His teacher told me she didn't have time to do some of the things in the plan. He started refusing to do even math problems that he knows how to do (saying he didn't know how to do them). That was a big signal to me that he is feeling badly.

I take some of the blame in that I didn't speak up immediately. So now we've lost an entire quarter of my son's academics staying at a flat line once again instead of moving forward.

I spoke with the principal again and he spoke with my son's teacher (who, I'm told, was crying and the kids thought she was being fired. ::guilt::) and the plan is supposedly going to be followed now. MY plan includes checking on the plan at least once a week.

I can admit that my social anxiety gets in the way sometimes, but I will definitely advocate for my kids. I also need to do more reading about how to help teach my son. What have other parents of kids who struggle with dyslexia done?

Very Superstitious and Tangential

I can admit it, the number 13 freaks me out. It's stupid and silly and idontcarebecausethatsjusthowiam. If I remember during the day that it is Friday the 13th I get a little wigged out. Most of the time I forget. I think.

Today I'm going to pretend it's just Friday. The last Friday of my Bigs' Winter break. We're going to spend at least part of the day packing up the majority of my kids' toys. They've shown lack of consideration of the value of most of their things. They have 4,379,579,895 toys between the three of them and it shows that they have too many because so many end up broken. The broken toys are mourned for 2.3 seconds before they're forgotten because they have so many others to play with (and break).

The most responsible kid is Miss M which is good since she's the oldest. She should be, and in truth, she takes pretty good care of most of her things most of the time.

My son is terrible about taking care of his things. Some of the problem, I know, is caused because he has dyslexia. Dyslexia makes organization difficult. Another issue is that he finds taking things apart fascinating. It can take a toll on the pocketbook. It stinks also because he feels terrible after the thing is broken but he seems helpless to stop himself.
Then there is the little one. So far, most of her toys are pretty indestructible just because she's little still and the toys are made more sturdy. I still worry that she has so many toys around her she sees no value in them.
So my plan includes packing up most of my kids' toys. After a week of proving they can take care of and put away 5 toys each, they can list another 5 toys they'd like back. Until they can't list any more toys because they can't remember what they had. If they can't remember what they had, those toys are GONE.
These kids are too important to me. Entitlement is not something they should be feeling. I want to teach my kids to be grateful for even small things in life. Tomorrow it could be gone.

It's Still 2011, RIGHT?

I'm not sure how it happened but Halloween rolled right into Thanksgiving and before I knew it we were doing our traditional early hour countdown to the new year with the kids.

My new year so far has been consumed with hours in a courthouse and a courtroom as a potential juror in a criminal case. After 3 days of voir dire I was excused and the panel of 14 jurors were seated. I was both relieved and disappointed. The trial will be long and disturbing. There were hints of how disturbing it would be during jury questioning. I'm probably lucky I don't have to serve on the jury. But it's still a little disappointing too. It would have been interesting to be involved in the justice system and being a part of that. Though I can also admit that 3 days of waiting, sitting, and answering questions was also very draining. I can't imagine how I'd have felt after 2 or more weeks of a trial.

My big kids are on school break this week and still next week. I am hoping that we will pack some fun into next week since my jury duty put a damper on activities this week.

My husband has a "big" birthday coming up in a couple of weeks. It was my hope to have a party for him, but time escaped me. Maybe this summer we can host a belated party. Also? I'm not sure how it happened that this birthday is coming up for him because I'm only 2 years younger than him and I'm still 29.

Yesterday it was 50 degrees in Minnesota. In January. Crazy. I took the kids out for a bike ride and had to keep reminding them to stay out of the mud (I know, I'm a total buzz kill). It also reminded me how out of shape, fat and unhealthy I have become. I may be purchasing a Family Y membership on Monday. I hope. I'd like to go swim laps and work into other activities as I get more in shape. We shall see.

I'm out of practice blogging. This is my weak attempt at posting something.

Perhaps the next days will provide inspiration again.

Merry Christmas!

From our family to yours. May your holidays be blessed.

Traditions and the Benefits of Leaving the Lens Behind

When our children were born my husband and I carried on some traditions that our (mostly my) parents had started with us as children. We carve pumpkins and bake pumpkin seeds and we seek eggs left by the Easter Bunny.

We also started several of our own traditions over the years.

Every New Year's Eve we have appetizers, have a countdown at around 6 o'clock and spray one another with silly string and pop poppers. We drink "champagne" from fancy stemmed plastic glasses. We dance. We put the kids to bed and wake them up minutes before midnight so they can watch the ball drop with us on TV.

Our Christmas tradition includes an evening ride through the city to marvel at the variety and abundance of light displays. We laugh at some weak attempts but concede that at least they tried. We laugh at the exuberance of other displays but concede that at least they were passionate. The kids are always pajama-clad for the trip. Most years we pop popcorn and sip water from reusable bottles. (Not so this year...there was a time crunch.) Our circuit includes some known hot-spots that are usually fancy displays yearly. It also includes a house that happens to include Santa himself. He hands out candy canes and asks the kids what they want for Christmas. (This year he snubbed Craig and I for candy canes, but he usually gave us parents one as well.)

This year was so fun with D. We heard hardly a peep from her while we toured some of the regular neighborhoods. She was taking it all in with wide-eyed wonder. Craig drove the van onto Santa's street and pulled off to the side. D erupted with cheers as she spotted Santa across the street. I had brought our camera on the ride, anticipating a photo op with Santa, but when we exited the van I made the decision to leave the camera behind. We were the third family standing on the sidewalk in front of Santa's temporary home. The kids happened to know another family there so they were distracted as they waited. Suddenly, it was their turn to see him. He asked M, then K, then D what each wanted for Christmas. D was literally awe-struck. She had a wide, dimpled smile and a wondrous expression. I'm convinced if I had brought the camera out I would have been too focused on taking photos to have really taken in D's expression.

Just another reminder that I need to live life on the other side of the lens sometimes.