Writing Vomit #4-Love Hurts

I have bruises on my arms. It's fine. I didn't even realize my arms were bruised until about 15 hours later and found the marks and/or bumped my arm where a bruise happened to be. I work with kids with emotional and behavioral disorders. It is expected in my job that kids will act out. The truth is that kids with emotional and/or behavioral disorders often act out for reasons they cannot control.

My 2 younger kids have learning disorders that are often misinterpreted or belittled. A learning disability does not necessarily mean that a kid is "just being lazy" when they seem unable to complete work. Work avoidance is definitely a concern, but telling a dysgraphic kid that they just need to try harder is like telling a blind kid to try harder to see. Handwriting is replaced with keyboarding or pictures as much as possible. 5 years after the diagnosis for my son and we still fight for accommodations. Dysgraphia affects more than just handwriting. Here's a link that describes dysgraphia in more detail if you are interested in learning about it. Understanding Dysgraphia

Kids with brain disorders that cause them to act aggressively and/or other anti-social behaviors are often born into environments that are not conducive to brain development. Though it should also be noted that poor physical health can also contribute to a lack of proper brain growth.

Case in point on the latter issue is my son again. He suffered from several ear infections as an infant. His health wasn't as bad as many children, but it was enough of an issue that he didn't crawl until after ear tube surgery at 10 months. His brain couldn't concentrate on learning to move until he felt better. The same is true if any basic need is not being met. A child's brain won't develop if basic needs are not met.

I think that many kids with these extreme behavior disorders especially lacked at least one if not more basic needs in utereo, during the birth process, as an infant, or as a toddler. Damage during these formative months and years can cause a child's development to derail. But even if a child passes these years unscathed, trauma later in life can cause irreverable damage.

It is disheartening to see how some of these kids are treated by the adults that claim to care for them. I've been asked several times by adults at my school why we "let" these kids be there. What if it were your child? What if something happened that was beyond your control and your child is the one that has special needs? What if you opened your home to a child who had a less-than desirable infanthood? Do they deserve a chance? Multiple chances?

That is a question I struggle with often. It is hard to see full-time mainstreamed kids have to deal with kids that can't handle a regular classroom. It's hard to see them have to be evacuated from a classroom for safety. It's also hard to see kids in crisis. Kids that deserved and now also deserve better.

The kids I work with want and deserve love. Some crave contact, others avoid it at all costs. Each child is valuable, and loveable. Those of us who work with them value them, and they (for the most part) see that. We are their safe place.

Everyone deserves a safe place.

Writing Vomit-January 2017 edition

I haven't been able to write for a long time. The lack of posts here is certainly indicative of that. Part of the problem is that my kids are older and I no longer feel that I can write their stories for them, even though they've given me permission. There is so much more than just writing about my kids and yet I can't seem to transition to writing about non-parenting themes. I can write about pretty much anything at this point since almost no one reads or writes blogs anymore. Also, I remember when I started this blog and thought I would keep it secret and no one would really read it that I know, especially not relatives. Then I ended up telling everyone (almost everyone) about it anyway because I can't make up my mind.

This will be exceptionally hard to read because I was going to not use any paragraphs but instead I will randomly start a new paragraph. Writing teachers always told me to just vomit words to get to writing. This may be very awkward for all of us for weeks or months. All 3 of us that might still read here. (Hi friend and mom!)

My life no longer consists of staying home and taking care of my babies (who have not been babies for a while). I started working outside the home at an elementary school in November 2015. I started out as a noon time paraprofessional for 1.75 hours per day because I wanted to try to lose weight and I wanted to try the Medifast program. It's kind of expensive so I thought I'd work a few hours to try to pay for the program.

Medifast has worked and hasn't worked. I've lost about 50 pounds, but my weight has stayed around this weight for many months now. The program works if you follow it. I have a hard time getting in all the food I am supposed to eat. I'm also supposed to limit my milk intake and I kind of enjoy a glass of fat free milk in the mornings. So that doesn't work so well. I'm sure I'll write more about this journey.

Work has gradually increased since I started. The 1.75 was kind of a hard gig because I didn't know students outside of lunch and recess and I totally missed contact with many grades. It's hard to be taken seriously when you know literally nothing about a kid.

There is a long series of increases in hours, interviews, then change in focus. I moved from general education to special education. The move has been really rewarding. I work with kids with emotional and/or behavior disorders. These are some really special kids and I love the ones I know. The ones I don't know? I'm certain they are cool kids too.

Relationships are the key. Connect with someone. If it's a kid that needs a little help? No matter what these kids want someone to care about them. It may take some time to convince the child that you care. Don't take this transition time personally. It has nothing to do with you.

Enough vomit for today.