Per Miss M's Request

Hi! I have been absent here for a long time again. Miss M and I were talking and it turns out she likes it when I write about her and she wanted me to start to write again. She almost always gets what she wants so I guess this is no different.

I'll give you the Cliff Notes version of what you've missed to start.

Miss M is now 16, almost 17. She's driving. A car. By herself. Today she scheduled college classes for her senior year of high school. (Post-secondary education option) She has a boyfriend who lives in another state. We visited him and his family last summer and he flew here to take her to prom last month. He's a nice kid and he makes her laugh so that's half the requirements for a good relationship right there. M was playing softball up until this year when a certain coach killed her love of the game. Pisses me off to no end, but that's another post for another day. I think I have a pretty good relationship with Miss M, but I have been known to make some major embarrassing mom blunders, so that might depend on the day or the week. Oh and she's GORGEOUS. I'll post a photo in a future post. Maybe. Or I'll just keep her gorgeousness to myself. We shall see.

In other news, my son emerged from his room, sat on my lap, and farted on me just now, so I've got that going for me, which is nice.

Speaking of the K Man, he just finished his Freshie year in high school. He's finding high school much more tolerable than middle school was and is doing well. He's always been a bit worried about his (lack of) height but is now almost as tall as I am. (I'm 5'9") The boy eats constantly but is still skinny as a rail. I miss those days when I was like that! K Man makes me laugh all the time, and I make him laugh too. I think we have very similar senses of humor. It's almost like I birthed and raised him! Weird! K Man will be 15 this summer so driver's education and permit for driving are in his near future. He is a computer whiz and teaching himself to code in several languages. I don't even know what he's doing because I'm not that smart. Oh and he's such a HANDSOME dude. Of course he is, because I grew him.

Ms. D. My baby. She is finishing with elementary school and heading for middle school. I NO LONGER HAVE KIDS IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL! (After 2 more days.) She had her 5th grade slide show today that we give a "baby" photo for and then they take a current photo. Everyone knew D right away because she's just always been Ms. D. This girl is full of confidence and sass. I have no worries about her fading into the background anywhere. But she is also kind, I hope. Though we have our moments where the sass comes out and I have to tell her she is just being rude. She's playing softball, following in her sister's footsteps, but getting more of a chance at it since M didn't start playing until 9th grade. Should have started her sooner, but I didn't think or know about it I guess. D is learning to pitch, but she lacks discipline so far. Hope she can focus in the future!

My husband is still around. I've rarely, if ever, written about him, because I try to respect that my need to write doesn't mean it's okay to write about others. We've been married for a little more than 18 1/2 years now and together for about 23 years. We have a real relationship. I don't pretend it's always roses. If anyone married for a number of years says it's all fantastic I'm pretty sure they're lying. But we're committed to each other and we make it work. We've been through a lot of shit together. Health problems for our parents is challenging these last several years. His brother's death. Aunts and Uncles of both of ours passing on. Marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. But we keep at it. We'll get through this too.

As for me? I'm working with kids who struggle with life in general. I'm about one year away from becoming a mental health practitioner. Every day I work with kids is an adventure. I am the safe person for several students. Most of the kids I work with have had or are experiencing some type of childhood trauma. I've forged relationships. I've been kicked. I still know those kids need someone like me.

Until next time.

If I'm Only 29 That Means I Birthed Her When I Was 16

Of course, that's not unheard of...having a baby at 16. Thankfully, that is not the case with me. If I had birthed a baby at 16 I'm fairly certain I would have been a much worse parent than I already am. Miss M, I am sure, thinks that I am a terrible mother. I am "mean" and "embarrassing" and "annoying." These things I claim as my right as a mother. On the weekends, my husband likes to tell her he will "poke the grumpy bear" as she is particularly disagreeable in the morning hours. I don't blame her. Mornings are not my forte either.

All three of my kids have a strong sense of self. They recognize when people are jerks and generally steer clear of those kids. This often means that my kids will feel that their dad or I are being jerks and will then stand up to us. This defiance is different at different ages, of course. Ms. D is currently at the stage where she sasses back about everything and "I don't care" is the response to any threats of removal of privileges. K Man generally just shouts at me when he disagrees with what I say. There is a lot of shouting. Then he'll want to get hugs and kisses a few minutes later. Adolescence is a little schizophrenic.

Then there is Miss M. She's 13 going on 21 or something like that. She holes up in her bedroom 90 percent of the time, which is pretty much what I did in middle school. It kind of sucks, because I like having her around, but I get it. I was once 13, 16 or more years ago.

She brought home a high school information packet today. There are a lot more options for electives, etc, than when I was in high school. It was almost overwhelming. The cool thing about it was that she was so interested in almost everything offered. That was also the hard thing. How do you determine what you want to do in life at 13? I think we had a good discussion about the pros and cons of different electives. Then I wanted to curl up in a ball and deny the fact that my first baby is going to high school next year.

Just so you know: I can't possibly be old enough to have a kid in high school.

I'm not sure when I finally got over the amazement that I was a parent, but I remember feeling that I was participating in some form of charades for several years after M was born. I no longer feel like I am not "old enough" to have kids (nice that I can recognize truth after 10 plus years!) but that doesn't mean I don't screw up a lot.

I still want to put my kids in a freezer, yet I am looking forward to who they will become. In the meantime, I am cherishing snuggles from D and K, and poking my grumpy bear Miss M.

Looking for the Slo-Mo Button

 It's one of those things that people tell you all the time when your kids are babies... "Oh the time goes so fast." I always laughed and agreed but I don't think I really realized how quickly the years would seem to pass. But suddenly my first baby is 10 years old and in her final year of elementary school. She's irritated by this only because she will be out of the school the year before her little sister starts Kindergarten there. She feels a bit ripped off that she doesn't get to go to school with her.

By the end of this school year I will need to face the fact that my first baby will be in middle school. There is a smaller school that I hope to send her to but there are a lot of people who'd like their kids to attend school there so we will be subjected to a lottery. If she doesn't get selected as a student there, my first reaction is to home-school her. She learns pretty easily (especially considering the difficulties her brother faces) so I think it would be okay. I think. I'd still rather see her attend the middle school though.

Middle school scares me though. I'm not ready for any of my children to graduate to the pre-teen angst. Middle school was hard for me. Girls can be very cruel to one another. I have a strong feeling that it's worse today than it was when I was in school.

M still assumes the best of people, which is both good and bad. Sometimes she just doesn't realize that someone is not being kind to her or that someone may not be treating others nicely. I've talked to her about a few of the girls in her class and she's been slowly separating herself from these girls with questionable motives. Her teacher remarked at her conference last week that M is especially kind. She helps her classmates who have more trouble learning than she does. She doesn't realize she's helping herself as well (to teach someone to do something reinforces your own learning of it) and she does it selflessly. I want her to retain this kindness, but I don't want people to take advantage of her kindness either.

I don't want them to hurt her beautiful heart. That's the part of parenting that stinks the most...knowing you have to let your child get hurt sometimes...knowing it is a part of growing up and growing away.