Monday, June 24, 2019

Happy Birthday Dad


It's this guy's birthday today. This last year has been a challenging one with regard to his health, and it continues that way. I hate seeing my parents in pain. 

My dad has always been a hardworking guy. He spent 20 years in the military (9 Navy, 11 Coast Guard). Before that he grew up on a farm. After that he ended up owning and operating his own electronics repair shop (among other jobs). He continues to work at a golf course long after he retired. 

I believe my dad's favorite part of life has been since his grandkids were born. He has enjoyed them so much from the moment each of them were born. I've seen the biggest smiles from him when he is with them. The kids all return the adoration. He's their Boppa. 

I love you Dad! Happy birthday!

Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Some Days are Just Hard

I had a tough day yesterday. I can't even tell you why. No one thing. It's one of those unexplainable things that people with anxiety and depression go through I guess. It doesn't help that I'm peri-menopausal and my hormones are trying to kill me. I spent a lot of the day crying, which isn't great for my Ms. D since she wants to know what happened and I can't say that anything really happened because it didn't. She knows her mom has anxiety and depression. She knows I take medications for that. I think it still worries her and that sucks. But I also don't want to hide it because if she should develop any of the same issues I don't want her to feel ashamed. And yet I still feel ashamed myself because I know there are people (some very close to me who could maybe use some services themselves) who still think we can control these emotions and just turn them off. Wish it was that simple. Brains are stupid.

D and I went to get some groceries and after we got in the car and were trying to leave the parking lot there was a woman pushing a cart while talking on her cell phone who just randomly stopped in the middle of the lane. My first thought was why are you walking in the middle of the aisle? I've never seen anyone walk in the center of the lane in a parking lot. How special do you think you are? So I waited. And the person behind me in her vehicle waited. And she just stood there, apparently oblivious to everyone around her with her important phone call...that needed to be completed in the middle of the lane. I admit I was not on my game today with patience. But. So I waited for a bit while she stood there with her important matters that couldn't be completed in her parked car or on a sidewalk or even on the side of the lane like normal people do. I beeped my horn. I tried to just tap it, but the car is still new to me and I couldn't get any sound to come from the tap. So I honked it. If looks could kill I'd be dead. She made it a point to shake her head and give me the evil eye several times as she moved out of the way. Why do people think the world revolves around them. She was also apparently taking note of my license plate. So I'd love to hear that phone call to the police. "Hello, I'm calling because I was standing in the middle of the parking lot talking on the phone and a woman beeped her horn at me to get me to move my ass out of the lane. Yes I stood there completely oblivious of others around me for several minutes. I'm too important to move to the side of the lane like literally everyone else in the world. Thank you I'd like you to place her under arrest."

Then I watched America's Got Talent and cried the ugly cry over some of the stories of the people who appeared on the show.

Thank goodness not all people are assholes. But there are a lot of them.

Monday, June 17, 2019

Senior Moments

So it turns out this kid is going to be a senior in high school next year. Hold me.

I'm not sure how this happened because I am still 29 and I didn't have babies until I was married.

She doesn't give herself enough credit. She's so smart and level-headed that I don't worry about her future. She knows what she wants and won't jump through hoops for people who don't recognize her awesomeness. If she loves you, you are lucky. She won't deal with your bullshit.

If she calls you her friend, she will do whatever you need to be happy. There are not many who fit this bill. I jokingly called her the softball Uber, because she would give rides to teammates who needed a lift home. She chose to help only the nicest girls. Or only the nicest girls asked her for help. She'd probably still help the not-so-nice-ones because she's that awesome.

I remember her telling me that in 5th grade the teacher asked whose parents had talked to them about sex and M was one of the few who raised a hand. It wasn't just me answering questions but her willingness to ask. When she was a toddler, she offered all the parents at our play date a bottle of water. She's more confident than she thinks.

I've worried about her in the past, but honestly this girl has it under control. If only I had had my shit together like this my Junior/Senior year.

I think she will avoid the mistakes I have made. So far, she has. She is smarter than I am. I think that's fantastic.

I love her sense of humor. I love her face. I love watching her play softball (That is over I guess. Sad face.).

This girl is on fire.

Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Goodbye Elementary School

Today is Ms. D's last day of elementary school. All of my kids are out of elementary school! It feels strange to have older kids, but it also feels fantastic. I miss the babies they were, but I am also enjoying the young adults they are becoming.

D is sad to be leaving her elementary school, just as her siblings were. It's a great school. The atmosphere when you enter the building has always exuded a welcoming vibe. We were lucky to be able to send our kids to this "choice" school that always has a lottery drawing and wait list to get in. It has an alternate schedule from the rest of the school district with 45 days in school, then 15 days off. Then they had 6 weeks off for summer break. We enjoyed the schedule. It was always a relief to have a break during the school year.

Now we will all be on the same schedule though (since I work at a school as well) and that will be good for us all. Finally we will all have 3 months of summer together. (Except Craig, unfortunately, who continues his regular work since he doesn't work in a school like I do.)

Miss M brought up the "Fun Box" the other day and wondered where it was. I'm not sure I can find it, but we might just resurrect it for this summer. Let the fun begin!

Tuesday, June 4, 2019

Per Miss M's Request

Hi! I have been absent here for a long time again. Miss M and I were talking and it turns out she likes it when I write about her and she wanted me to start to write again. She almost always gets what she wants so I guess this is no different.

I'll give you the Cliff Notes version of what you've missed to start.

Miss M is now 16, almost 17. She's driving. A car. By herself. Today she scheduled college classes for her senior year of high school. (Post-secondary education option) She has a boyfriend who lives in another state. We visited him and his family last summer and he flew here to take her to prom last month. He's a nice kid and he makes her laugh so that's half the requirements for a good relationship right there. M was playing softball up until this year when a certain coach killed her love of the game. Pisses me off to no end, but that's another post for another day. I think I have a pretty good relationship with Miss M, but I have been known to make some major embarrassing mom blunders, so that might depend on the day or the week. Oh and she's GORGEOUS. I'll post a photo in a future post. Maybe. Or I'll just keep her gorgeousness to myself. We shall see.

In other news, my son emerged from his room, sat on my lap, and farted on me just now, so I've got that going for me, which is nice.

Speaking of the K Man, he just finished his Freshie year in high school. He's finding high school much more tolerable than middle school was and is doing well. He's always been a bit worried about his (lack of) height but is now almost as tall as I am. (I'm 5'9") The boy eats constantly but is still skinny as a rail. I miss those days when I was like that! K Man makes me laugh all the time, and I make him laugh too. I think we have very similar senses of humor. It's almost like I birthed and raised him! Weird! K Man will be 15 this summer so driver's education and permit for driving are in his near future. He is a computer whiz and teaching himself to code in several languages. I don't even know what he's doing because I'm not that smart. Oh and he's such a HANDSOME dude. Of course he is, because I grew him.

Ms. D. My baby. She is finishing with elementary school and heading for middle school. I NO LONGER HAVE KIDS IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL! (After 2 more days.) She had her 5th grade slide show today that we give a "baby" photo for and then they take a current photo. Everyone knew D right away because she's just always been Ms. D. This girl is full of confidence and sass. I have no worries about her fading into the background anywhere. But she is also kind, I hope. Though we have our moments where the sass comes out and I have to tell her she is just being rude. She's playing softball, following in her sister's footsteps, but getting more of a chance at it since M didn't start playing until 9th grade. Should have started her sooner, but I didn't think or know about it I guess. D is learning to pitch, but she lacks discipline so far. Hope she can focus in the future!

My husband is still around. I've rarely, if ever, written about him, because I try to respect that my need to write doesn't mean it's okay to write about others. We've been married for a little more than 18 1/2 years now and together for about 23 years. We have a real relationship. I don't pretend it's always roses. If anyone married for a number of years says it's all fantastic I'm pretty sure they're lying. But we're committed to each other and we make it work. We've been through a lot of shit together. Health problems for our parents is challenging these last several years. His brother's death. Aunts and Uncles of both of ours passing on. Marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. But we keep at it. We'll get through this too.

As for me? I'm working with kids who struggle with life in general. I'm about one year away from becoming a mental health practitioner. Every day I work with kids is an adventure. I am the safe person for several students. Most of the kids I work with have had or are experiencing some type of childhood trauma. I've forged relationships. I've been kicked. I still know those kids need someone like me.

Until next time.
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