Children in Church

I wrote this for, and it was originally published in August, on my friend Gunfighter's blog. It created a bit of conversation there, so I thought I'd post it here and see what kind of dialogue it would create here.

We are sort of a cold-weather church-going family. When the mercury rises (as it is supposed to do in the summertime but has not really happened these last few years here in Minnesota) we make ourselves scarce from the church. It’s not that we think church is less important in the summertime, but as with most things, a little break from routine is helpful to rejuvenate the desire.

Come September we are back in the routine of our church life. Wednesday afternoon choir practice for the two big kids, Sunday school on Sunday, attending church services mainly when the two big kids sing with choir during the service.

We don’t attend the service every week. We’re Presbyterian, and Presbyterians are sort of laid-back in general so we’re on the very laid back end of the spectrum. I don’t think I need to attend church every single week in order for God to love me or for Him to hear me.

Ironically, it’s our kids that want to go to church every week. They enjoy seeing their friends and learning about the Bible. They are a vital part of our church community. The congregation knows them because they are active and visible in the church. I was too, up until last year when the baby was born. I just couldn’t continue as a Sunday School teacher when I had a nursing infant with me. I actually have really enjoyed the break. (see above, about breaks being helpful to rejuvenate) I don’t know when, or if, I’ll return to teaching, but I did enjoy feeling a part of the community.

I also enjoyed the surprised looks I would get from people when I mentioned I was a Sunday School teacher. I don’t wear my religion on my sleeve and I rarely talk about it, even with my own family. I believe what I believe and you can believe what you believe. I don’t need to debate about this aspect of my life. In fact, I’d rather not talk about it (and so naturally I’m writing a blog post about it!).

Our church is dying. It is old, and beautiful and old. We have had encounters with less-than-Christian fellow members, that made us feel less-than-Christian toward them. Honestly I still see these people and feel stabs of hate. I am fairly certain that our encounter with these people led to a new pamphlet at our church that informs the older members that children are welcome in worship and that the parents should be encouraged rather than maligned for bringing their children to worship. I worry for these people who are so filled with negativity that they would attack a young family with words of hate.

Churches, in order to survive, need to adapt to the modern lives of families. If young people and young families are not welcomed, even courted, then the church will die.

I know my husband and I are not the only parents to feel unwelcome in worship because we have a noisy baby or preschooler. There is no “cry room” in our church. There is a nursery, but I am unwilling to leave my children in settings like this when they can’t communicate any issues with me. Our associate pastor’s wife had even had older members reprimand her for her noisy children (did these people know who they were talking to?).

I believe the sounds of a baby playing happily during a church service add to the joy of being together, alive. If my baby was crying uncontrollably I would definitely leave the service until she quieted, but a few fussing sounds should not be a big deal, in my opinion.

What do you think?

Is your church of the antiquated idea that children should be seen and not heard? Should children be welcome in worship?

Acne Agony: A Haiku

I thought past my teens
I would not have those pimples
but I was so wrong.

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I'm also guest posting over at my friend Gunfighter's pad...come see me. I'm writing about something I don't normally write about!

Random Thoughts #29

• I was fairly certain trying to get my son to write his name and a friend's name on each of 14 Valentines would be very, very painful. I was pleasantly surprised to be wrong. Some of them are even legible.
• The baby looks closer and closer to walking every day. I hope that I am wrong. She is only 8 1/2 months old.
• I've been running (with the Wii Fit game) almost every day for at least 10 minutes for the last 4 days. I feel slightly less like dying each time I run. Good times.
• I have not lost any weight because all this exercising make me hungry.
• Wondering if I should cut back on exercising so that I cut back on eating.
• I have 47,872 things to do but because I'm doing this exercising it seems like I have no time to do anything else.
• I'm very good at rationalizing why I shouldn't be exercising.
• Although my jeans do feel like they are going to fall down so I'm not sure why the scale has to be all mean and say that I haven't lost any weight (and some days tells me I've gained weight! Bastard.)
• My husband and I sort of have a date on Friday. M and K are going to a dance camp night for a couple of hours so Craig and I are planning to go out to eat. We'll have the baby chaperon.
• Naturally, Craig is sick. I think he might be allergic to spending time with me.
• My son is covered in bruises. I'm beginning to worry.
• He is clumsy, but still.
• I bought two African Violet plants for my kids to give to their church secret Valentines.
• My son's Valentine turned out to be a teenage boy. I'm pretty sure he was thrilled with the plant.
• I'm wondering why the baby slept better as a newborn than she does now.
• It's supposed to be almost 50 degrees here today. Thinking about getting out my swimsuit. Would not put it on because that would just look icky. And silly. Because I haven't lost any weight.
• I can't figure out why every single track on Prince's album Purple Rain is marked explicit on iTunes. Obviously all the naughty stuff was over my head as a kid.
• I still need one more sponsor for Aweigh. You can be a blogger, have an etsy shop, a commercial business, whatever. Email me and/or leave a comment if you're interested.

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I'm sending you over to Midwest Parents again because we have a very special guest poster whom many of you probably already know well!

No Thanks, Oh On Second Thought Yes

I never gave temperament much thought until my first child came along. She was a demanding infant, often crying until I hoisted her into my arms. Many times she would continue her tirade unless I was in constant motion while holding her in my arms. I attempted to use a baby sling to give my arms some relief and to try to get a few things accomplished around the house, but the sling wasn’t good enough. She wanted actual contact with Mom’s arms around her, holding her, or she would let me know LOUDLY about her unhappiness.

Once she got old enough to communicate in methods other than screaming at me, it became quite clear that she was an extremely social being who thrived on human contact – constant human contact. This, in retrospect, was present even at her birth.

My oldest daughter’s outgoing and social nature was (and, at times, still is) overwhelming to me as a new mother. I never have been the life of the party and I’d given birth to a social butterfly. Our needs were in direct conflict. She craved adventure while I’d just as soon stay home and relax in the relative quiet.

Continue reading...

Check it out!

Hey, my guest post is up over at Gunfighter's place. I've written about something that I don't usually write.

I Think to Myself What a Wonderful World

Do you remember in high school when someone in the “popular crowd” would say hi to you or ask you to be in their group in a class so they could copy off your work and you felt all special like a really important person had acknowledged your existence?

{crickets}

Uh, yeah. Me either ‘cuz I was totally one of those popular girls.

{whistling}

Anywho…

Last weekend was pretty exciting for my little old blog and me.

First, I got my very first award from Holly at Tropic of Mom. (Now if I could only figure out how to put the button in my sidebar!) Thanks Holly! You’re the best! Mwah!

Then, I got my little old blog added to the moms topic on Alltop. Seriously. Alltop! Thanks Guy! You’re the best! Mwah!

Then, Gunfighter asked me to write a guest post for his blog. I’ve never been asked to write a guest post before! And me, sitting there in my pajamas all unprepared for the love! Thanks Bill! You’re the best! Mwah!

And finally, to top it off (huh, I should have left the Alltop for this one…get it?) I got an email from Julie saying that I am now a blogger for the Parent Bloggers Network! Thanks Julie! You’re the best! Mwah!

{pushing up my taped glasses and pulling up my trousers}

So, how was your weekend?

Tomorrow I'm answering one of those questions you asked...

...I'm also here today!

Something a little off topic lately

I wrote this for our local ECFE blog and, after hearing of yet another family who lost a child in a home fire just this week I thought I'd publish the info here too.

I’ll be honest, any time I hear about a house fire, especially if there are fatalities, I worry about what we’d do if a fire started in our home. I always think that I know all the fire safety recommendations, but don’t know exactly how to apply the “rules” to my family and my home.

I’ve heard conflicting advice from other parents. I’ve heard the general home escape plans. Some of the advice simply doesn’t work if you have young children and infants.

So, as I’m awaiting the birth of my third child, I thought I’d go to someone who could actually give me practical advice about fire safety. He’s a firefighter and a dad, and he happens to be someone I went to high school with so he was obligated to help. Just kidding. He’d help anyone.

I asked Chad Rathbun, who is a firefighter in Minneapolis at Fire Station number one, a series of questions that I had about keeping my kids safe regarding fires.

Follow me to read Chad's recommendations...

Resolute

My kids are giggling uncontrollably and tossing a homemade beanbag back and forth. Their smiles are wide, their laughter infecting one another, egging them on.

I hear myself, tense, angry even, telling them to stop. Stop. STOP!

Their faces fall. The fun is over.

Why do I feel compelled to stop the silliness? I remember the mantra when my daughter was just two years old: Pick your battles. Was this beanbag game really a battle I needed to start? Probably not. They were being kids, playing a game . . . enjoying life.

I find it is always when my grown-up worries begin to overwhelm me that I try to stifle my children more. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Do I really want to add controlling everything my kids do to my long list of things to do today?

Click here for the rest of the story...

Competing

People, by nature, are competitive. Or perhaps I should qualify that statement and say American people are competitive.

Even armed with that knowledge, I was unprepared for the competition that is motherhood. It's a mostly subtle, unspoken battle that often begins as soon as you reveal a pregnancy. Oh? Wow, you're big! or Hmmm. You're so small. Even Are you sure it isn't twins? Other people will delve into what you're putting in your body. I wouldn't eat peanut butter...hot dogs...drink diet pop or caffeinated drinks.

Don't even get me started on the childbirth competition. Long labor, short labor, drugs, drug-free, Cesarean, upside-down.

Click here for the rest of the story...