Last month I started having an occasional dream about my high school boyfriend. I don't remember the details of the dreams but they were more or less like we had stayed together, still had some problems and it was just all weird. Sometimes when I woke up I thought my husband had really left me...then the fog cleared and I realized it was just another bizarre dream.
I took my oldest to school this morning and for some reason he popped into my head again. It struck me again how strange it was that memories were surfacing at such strange times when I hadn't thought of him in years. I decided on my way home that I would Google his name, just to see if anything came up. I figured nothing would come up. When I Google my own name it's just links to Pinterest and my BIL's obituary. Most of us average people don't have much, if anything, fascinating enough to come up on Google.
So I Googled, and Google automatically filled in the rest of his name after a few characters, then there was another entry beneath it that added the word "obituary." I'd used his middle name as well so there was little doubt that it was him. I clicked and it was true. He passed away last month. I haven't seen or talked to him in about 18 years or more, but it still seemed like a sucker punch. He was my first real "relationship." It was more than dating. We were together for 4 years...off and on. Mostly on, even when we might have been seeing other people. A lot of things happened in those four years. Some of it not good, indeed, very bad. But it wasn't always that way.
This was a very unexpected result of trying to satisfy my curiosity. I'm going to take some time to process.