About Why I'm Not Writing

I haven't had time to write, to read, to do much but make, wrap, prepare, prepare, prepare for Christmas. This is the first year in a long time that I haven't been completely prepared for Christmas at least a week in advance. It's unsettling for me that I'm not prepared, that I'm cutting it this close even though I cut out some of the things I usually do and buy this time of year.

I went to see a doctor on Friday because my throat suddenly (literally, suddenly) started hurting Thursday night on my way home from book club. Sudden onset for me means strep. So I went to see the doctor. She was not my regular doctor, but her sister and she's seen me for various things the last few years. She wanted to do a throat culture since this would be my third bout in 3 months. She looked in my throat and cringed. It didn't even hurt that badly yet! I was being proactive before the weekend! She swabbed my tonsils and cringed again. Wow, that looks like blood on there. I think I'll just write you a prescription so you can get started on it. So I started on my double strength penicillin and called to find out the results of the test later on that night. Strep. Confirmed. So I'm guessing someone in this house is carrying strep and I'm the lucky one that keeps getting sick. On the plus side, I went in this time before I wanted to cut my neck off. So it didn't get as bad or as hurty as it did the last two months.

I have an appointment with my regular doctor tomorrow. I haven't had a check up since just after D was born so I guess it is time.

Sometimes I watch my children and my heart hurts for them. I see M accidentally drop her plate of mashed potatoes and immediately stoop to clean it up, nervously watching to see if she'll be yelled at for this mistake. I see K Man accidentally rip a drawing he'd worked on intensely. Disappointments, mistakes. I hate this. I didn't know it would physically hurt me to see my kids hurt like this. And these are small things. How will I survive their bigger mistakes? Also, how can I change my reactions to these things now so that my kids are not so anxious and upset?

My big kids are now on another 3 week break from school. They survived 3 whole weeks without getting in trouble so I took them to a local bounce house as a reward per our agreement. Ms. D also had a blast there. I've tried to be very conscious of smiling and greeting my kids with joy when I pick them up from school. I remember being pregnant with M and watching an Oprah show or something like that and a mother saying she wanted her kids to always see her smile when they entered the room. I know I don't smile every time they enter the room, but I try very hard to make sure my kids know that I love them even if (and this is MY fault) I yell at them or seem angry. My new year's resolution is to be less of a grump. Kids are kids, if I lighten up and just have fun with them the days go much better.

This post is very random, so I suppose I should have titled it as one of the random thoughts posts, but then again I'm sort of lazy so...

Let's be honest. I'm A LOT lazy.

I've made some Christmas gifts, designed our family's Christmas card and a card for a friend, wrapped 6582 presents, made holiday goodies, prepared holiday appetizers, gained 479 pounds and read very little in the book my cousin loaned me (Jodi Picoult's Plain Truth).

D has redecorated our tree at least 12 times a day. I have a pile of ornaments that I can't find the hanging hooks for that D has either brought to me or I've wrestled from her. She's discovered the switch on the power strip that turns the lights on and off so she does that 268 times a day now. On. Off. On. Off. On. Off. On. Off. On. Off.

Oh the joys of toddlers at Christmas time!

So I'm cranky and tired but an insomniac so I stay up too late and get more tired and cranky. I plug away at things that need to be done and stress about it even though things almost always get done.

When I say stressed I really mean stressed. I recently woke up in the shower. At three in the morning...having previously been asleep. Nothing says stressed like waking your sleepwalking self up by taking a shower! Interesting how I choose to release my stress isn't it?

So! Hope you're not as stressed and you're not taking showers in your sleep at 3 in the morning. That's my holiday wish for you. You're welcome.