Lessons in Church

We went to church yesterday. Miss M was supposed to sing during the service for the first time as a member of the Calvin choir. They wear red robes in the Calvin choir. K sings with the Cherub choir for another year, then he'll be in the Calvin choir and M and K will sing together again.

I was excited to see M in the bigger kids' choir, but first there was the Sunday School hour. Craig took D to the nursery and I walked M and K to the sanctuary where the big kids gather together for music before splitting into grade levels for school. The early service was running a little long, so my big kids and I gathered at the door along with K's teacher. Before long the service ended and the kids went into the sanctuary. Moments later a woman that I've gotten to know a little bit at the church (we'll call her Y) appeared with another woman (we'll call her B). They stopped K's teacher and told her that they wanted B's daughter to move from the preschool class to the Kindergarten and first grade classroom because she is bored in the preschool class. The teacher was obviously not thrilled with the idea because there is quite a difference between almost 5 and first-graders. But Y and B pressed the teacher insisting that the girl is very bright and polite and would do better with the older kids. The teacher eventually gave in, saying she'd give the girl a shot. After the teacher went into the sanctuary to be with her class, the other two women began to chat about how rude they thought the teacher was for saying something like "well, I am a Kindergarten teacher and there is a big difference between 4 and being in Kindergarten." I didn't find this statement the least bit rude as there is a big difference. I agree.

However I said nothing that indicated I agreed and just listened, smiling B went on and on about how bright, how mature, how wonderful her daughter (who will be 5 in a couple of weeks she mentioned 4729 times) is and how she belonged with the older kids.

Then she turned to me and said She is certainly more mature than K. Oh yes she did.

I told her she was rude and walked away. I have never been so insulted or angry or upset that someone would essentially cut down my child wholly unprovoked. My son was never brought up at any point until she callously stated that her 4-year-old was more mature than my almost 5 1/2-year-old Kindergartner.

Who does something like that to another parent? Who judges another person's child's maturity level, especially only having minimal experience with that child? Why do people have to cut others down to make themselves feel superior?

I allowed this woman's words to cut me. They cut Y too. I cried and as I was crying Y was in another area of the church crying also for me. She's the mother of 4. She felt the insult too.

Later B tried to come to the nursery and apologize, but I told her I didn't want to talk to her. Even her attempt at apology felt contrived and false. She was smiling. I will never be able to smile at this woman again.

This whole incident makes me so sad. Why can't parents support one another instead of making things into a competition?

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