Friday, November 27, 2009

Distorted

It happened again. My mind knows that I've gained back a lot of weight but my inner me still thinks I am slim and trim. It's very weird.

I needed an outfit for a charity gala event. (Yes, the Festival of Trees.) I'd bought a shiny red blouse last year when I'd lost a bunch of weight, confident that I'd lose even more by this year. Not the case. I gained many pounds back. Many pounds.

It's sad really.

But there I was at the store, my mom and an aunt coaching, trying to find something to fit this body that I didn't want to be in again. There may have been some body slimming devices. And perhaps bras that promised to lift the girls to heights they have not seen for years.

The mirrors in the stores are not complimentary. I see myself. It is not good.

Day to day I can lie to myself and forget that I'm not the thin teenager or the slim twentysomething anymore...until I see a photo of myself...or catch a glimpse of my full body in the glass storefronts as I am shopping. I feel like a thin person, but I am not.

I hope that I can find the thin person inside me and bring her back on the outside as well.

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Gail said...

I totally understand that feeling and thought process!

Holly at Tropic of Mom said...

Aw. Losing weight is tough. You're trying hard.

Pgoodness said...

So glad I'm not the only one who feels thin on the inside and isn't on the outside. It's like some reverse anorexia or something.

Hang in there. One day we'll get it figured out!

Nap Warden said...

Losing weight is tough, especially during the holidays. Don't be to hard on yourself...and good luck:)

CT Mom said...

I hear you - I've done exactly the same thing. I started exercising and eating better, and it's helped. But I went for several years thinking I was slimmer or in better shape than I truly was, and would beat myself up when the reality of a mirror or photo showed otherwise.

Be patient with yourself - you'll get there!

chelle said...

ack. I so know what you are feeling. I am totally there. Skinny girl stuck in a fat body! We need to help motivate each other. Pre-Christmas is tough but I am hoping the new Year will bring me back to the good life :)

Madeline said...

Losing weight is tough...especially this time of the year. And, then keeping it off is that much tougher. I'm currently in the keeping it off battle, and yikes! There are too many dang pies around right now.

 
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