Distorted

It happened again. My mind knows that I've gained back a lot of weight but my inner me still thinks I am slim and trim. It's very weird.

I needed an outfit for a charity gala event. (Yes, the Festival of Trees.) I'd bought a shiny red blouse last year when I'd lost a bunch of weight, confident that I'd lose even more by this year. Not the case. I gained many pounds back. Many pounds.

It's sad really.

But there I was at the store, my mom and an aunt coaching, trying to find something to fit this body that I didn't want to be in again. There may have been some body slimming devices. And perhaps bras that promised to lift the girls to heights they have not seen for years.

The mirrors in the stores are not complimentary. I see myself. It is not good.

Day to day I can lie to myself and forget that I'm not the thin teenager or the slim twentysomething anymore...until I see a photo of myself...or catch a glimpse of my full body in the glass storefronts as I am shopping. I feel like a thin person, but I am not.

I hope that I can find the thin person inside me and bring her back on the outside as well.