Friday, October 2, 2009

What Kind of Friend Are You?

I'm realizing I'm not a very good friend.

I used to be so sure that I was an excellent friend. I am loyal to a fault. I'm a great listener. Those two things are still true.

The thing that has changed is that I no longer am available at all times. I try to help if at all possible whenever a friend needs me, but often I am forced to choose between a friend and my family.

My family will always win.

I suppose that is the way it should be. But it makes me feel like a bad friend.

I rarely instigate a plan to meet a friend. If a friend plans something I try to be there, if at all possible, but if my family has any need that I feel I cannot be away, I will cancel my plans in a moment.

My experience with friends has been varied. I have only a few friends who have weathered the test of time. I suppose I am the problem in making and keeping friends. I've had some very close friends suddenly shun me, or had a big falling out. I've had some friends just disappear from my life no matter how much I've tried to reconnect. Life is busy and the choices we make with our time tell the people in our life how much or how little they mean to us.

Except my friends mean a lot to me, and I have little time to give them these days.

Perhaps I need to make more phone calls, or plan meetings that we all know will last only a half an hour. Maybe a little time is better than no time.

How do you maintain friendships within your busy life?

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Awesome Mom said...

I am not very good about instigating either. I am just kind of lazy since a lot of times I would just rather stay at home and do the things that I want to do.

Ju said...

Firstly I'd like to say what beautiful children you have and what lovely genuine blog.
I just started following you.
Now, I do feel the same about friends a lot of times but usually I'm the one organising lunches, coffees, dinners...
And as you said, little time is better than no time and that's why I chose not to have Facebook, it just makes you lazy and the real meetings evaporate.
Good luck :)

Hollee Temple said...

This post made me think. I agree that it is hard to stay in touch with friends when you're pulled in so many directions. I have to say that social media, and Facebook in particular, help me stay in touch. I know what my close friends are doing because they update regularly, and while a FB chat shouldn't be a substitute for the real thing, sometimes it's enough -- or at least the best I can do for now.

CT Mom said...

Keeping in touch is hard - I have full-time job, 2 kids, my own activities plus theirs. It's even harder when one of my best friends never goes on her email and is impossible to get on the phone, and the other moved to Australia 9 years ago and I still can't keep the time difference straight.

Even so, I try - emails, phone tag, but when we do get together, we pick up where we left off like we've never missed a beat. These are my two closest friends who know my secrets, who've laughed and cried with me, and I know will always be there for me.

louann said...

I think that happens as we get older and our priorities in life change. But we know deep in our hearts who and what we will always treasure. Opportunities pop up once in a while and I guess it's a matter of grabbing them at the right time.

chelle said...

I am so the same way. I HAVE to set up dates with my friends. So now that our oldests are both in school her and I get together to swim twice a week after the kids are in bed and once a month we go to a movie together.

If not i would never see her. I cannot have more than one friend though I would never see them either.

Madeline said...

I'm like you. It's so hard to maintain friendships now. Being a mom has really given me an appreciation for friends with patience.

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