Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Where Did These Kids Come From Then?

People say insensitive things all the time. I'm not sure if we have just lost all decorum or if most people are idiots or what, but wow people can say some stupid, stupid things.

I remember when I was a new mom, one of my good friends (who had not yet had any children) asked me what I could possibly be doing all day. She thought that I had tons of free time and was living it up. That friend has since had one child and said that one child is all she can handle. I'm certain she thinks I am insane to have three children.

I was reading Beck's post the other day and she mentioned that a friend of hers said that having a c-section wasn't really giving birth. I commented that apparently I have never given birth then.

Then I started thinking about it and got sad, mad, whatever. It's true. I've never been through labor. Oh the nurses have told me that I was contracting but I couldn't really feel it. It just felt mildly tight in my abdomen. Not at all hurty, which I guess is a good thing.

I do have a high tolerance for pain, I think. If I wasn't being monitored, I would have said I was never contracting with any of my pregnancies. The monitors say otherwise, but whatever. I had a kidney stone last year that was pretty painful...painful enough that I allowed my husband to take me to the ER to find out what was wrong with me, but still, not that painful. I really could take more pain than that. I rated my pain at a 4 or 5 out of 10. When the stone actually came out? Wasn't more than a blip on the pain scale.

Then I broke my finger a few months back. I wasn't going to go to the doctor, but it was starting to look a little weird so I thought I'd better get it checked out. After a week of having it in a splint I had my regular physician check it. She watched my face as she moved my finger back and forth. My kids were with me. My doctor looked at my kids and said "your Mom is tough!"

So I am still disappointed that I never had the opportunity to deliver my babies naturally as I had planned with baby #1. She needed an emergent delivery and that was that. I purposely scheduled K's section for the day before my due date in hopes that I might experience more of labor before I had the section. There was no action that I could tell. With D, I was contracting as I went into the hospital (so the monitors said) but the section was performed before too much was happening.

So maybe I am less of a mom because I've only had babies via c-section. Though I've heard moms who have given birth naturally say that a kidney stone is worse. Seriously? Pshaw. Though my stone as it was traveling did hurt worse than my section incision.

And then I had a plugged milk duct that resulted in a milk blister. Now that is hurty! I really think boobie/nursing owies hurt more than anything. Especially when you have to willingly put baby to breast in order to help make you feel better even though it hurts like H-E-L-L.

Also? This pretty much tops my list of things I never thought I'd have to do...take a needle to a nipple and pop a white milk-filled blister. Motherhood is so glamorous.

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kelleysbeads said...

You are no less of a mother for your c-sections. You carried those bebes inside you for 9 months, you were there when they were brought into daylight and you have cared for them ever since. You might as well have your heart walking around outside your body times three!

I think it also goes for moms who adopt their children. They are no less a mom for not having been pregnant. The love is there and that is really what counts in the end, don't you think?

Heather T said...

Oh my lordy. What is it with us women that the world always seems divided into black and white? C-sections happen. They need to happen sometimes. Thank goodness for them. I'm like everyone else out there who's all for promoting the most natural things in life, but really, this whole vaginal versus cesarean delivery debate is starting to remind me of haughty vegans. It doesn't make someone a better person for having gone through a vaginal delivery, nor does it make a mother less of a mother to have had a cesarean.

You are a great mother!

for a different kind of girl said...

Echoing the other sentiments already shared. You became their mom when you began carrying them and getting them ready for birth. Heck, I think getting sliced open to have them is a pretty big testament to motherhood in itself!

chelle said...

I have so never thought of c-sections are an indicator of motherhood that is so LAME!

What happens once they are out and safely in your arms is what truly counts.

mayberry said...

Hey, I never had any babies either! Just 40+ hours of active labor followed by major abdominal surgery. Oh well!

Oy. People are ridiculous.

Damselfly said...

Perhaps -- just maybe -- "give birth" isn't the right phrase for C-sections, but "give life" is something all mothers do. That's the important thing. Everyone knows things happen. And come on, being pregnant for 40 weeks is plenty to make you feel like a mama, right? :) C-sections have become so common that I have been asked many times during this pregnancy if I am having a scheduled delivery. (I'm not, but you never know what will happen.)

You're right; people say stupid things, like today when one woman told me, "You're busting out all over the place!" (gee, thanks!) followed by the woman standing next to her who said, "You got your son's hair cut. Now he looks like a boy and not a girl." (hmm, you never mentioned before that he looked like a girl!)

Heather said...

So, what IS the right phrase for c-sections then? I think that is exactly my point. If I didn't give birth to my children what did I do? Give surgery? Give spinal? Believe me, us mamas who have c-sections aren't lazing about. And recovery is much longer...so no one could convince me that c-section is the "easy" way to have a baby.

Who? Me? Defensive?

louann said...

One of my best friends, when she was around 38 weeks told me that she is determined to deliver via normal delivery because undergoing a C-section won't make her feel like a real mother. She knew I and 2 C-sections and was going to have another. But she still said it.

Know what? She gave birth via C-section.

Awesome Mom said...

Some people have an obvious disconnect from their brain and mouth. I would have much rather had a "real" delivery but when you have a baby that is sideways in your womb and so big that there was no turning him you do what you have to do to get him out. I am thankful that there is a pretty safe way to get stuck babies out. I read a book on the history of birthing babies and some of the things they had to do to get stuck babies out was horrific. Thankfully with modern medicine and surgery we can have both mom and baby live.

Madeline said...

Ooo...those are some insensitive comments! I don't think I'm any less of a mother for having had a c-section. I wish it had gone differently, but it didn't.
And, if pain makes you a mom, then pain I certainly had.
....Milk blisters sound horrible! So far, I've escaped that one. I did have thrush for three months though. I cringe just thinking about it.

Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com said...

I don't think it's true. You gave birth, be it by c-section or not. You labored and a child exited your body and to the best of my understanding, that is what birth is. No mother is more or less a mother, no woman more or less a woman, because of how they deliver a child. That doesn't even make sense.

Mocha Dad said...

You are no less of a mother because you have your children via c-section. I can't believe people would say such things. My wife had all three of our kids via c-section and she is a wonderful mother. I know you are too.

 
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