My helpful Parenting post ...at least in my opinion

I may have mentioned before, but we do not have central air conditioning. When the temps rise outside, they rise inside our house. And with the rise in temp, there arises the crankiness. I hate to turn our power-hog old-fashioned wall unit on, because it's just not efficient and it costs too much money to run (in my opinion). We don't have a lot of "extra" money...but really, does anyone?

But, I digress. This morning I did what I think is a "Good Mommy" thing. I took my kids to a park playdate with M's preschool friends. Okay, so it's just as much for me as for them, but that's okay isn't it??? We ate lunch at the park. Then I took them to Michaels to buy some more beading supplies for M because she is having the best time having Mommy to herself during our "beading" sessions, and she repeated says so "Mommy, this is SOOOOO much fun!" So I bought this ridiculously large amount of beads (I think it was one pound or something) and some additional string. Then we went home for Destructo-Boy's nap.

All was well.

Until K woke up from his nap. Then they immediately started fighting. We had hair pulled, arms bitten, body parts hit or kicked, whole bodies pushed down. It was not fun for Mom. This is the reason I have posted this handout that I got from my ECFE classes on my refrigerator. It gives me something to think about, even if I am seldom successful at disciplining without yelling. I know I have lots of room for improvement. But at least the seed is there. Thanks Linda, and Barb, and whoever else has given me this handout over the years.

Children's misbehavior: Non-helpful and Helpful self-talk to help deal with parental anger

When my children misbehave, I will make myself angry if I regard their behavior in any of the following non-helpful ways:

1. My children should not, must not or cannot act this way.
   
2. When my children behave this way, they are doing it to me and they deserve to be punished.
   
3. My children should know better.
   
4. It's terrible and awful when my children behave this way.
   
5. I can't stand it when my children behave this way.
   
6. People think I am a bad person or parent when my children behave this way.
   
7. I am a bad person or parent when my children behave this way.
   
8. I have to get angry to make my children stop behaving this way.

When my children misbehave, I will handle the situation better after challenging my non-helpful thoughts. I can actually say to myself the following statements:

My children will misbehave. Sometimes more than other times. This is highly probable.

When my children misbehave, they have only broken a rule, PERIOD!

When my children misbehave, I can be most helpful by giving them a meaningful penalty and then recognizing acceptable behavior. WITHOUT ANGER!

My children will make mistakes even if they know the rules.

It is unfortunate when my children misbehave, but it is not a disaster.

It is not enjoyable when my children misbehave, but it is tolerable.

It is preferable than my children behave but it is probable that they won't and I can handle that.

When my children misbehave, their behavior is inappropriate and they are breaking a rule. PERIOD! It does not mean I am a bad parent or person unless I ALLOW it to mean that.

I do not have to get angry to discipline my children. If I find myself repeating warnings or yelling, it means I am not using an effective discipline technique and it would be a good idea to rethink my strategy in this, and similar situations.

I will, at times, get angry because I am a fallible human being and I set myself up with inappropriate thoughts about my children's misbehavior.

SOURCE: Managing and Understanding Parental Anger by H. Barrish and I.J. Barrish
And from Linda Tee at PAIIR. Thanks Linda!