Friends...

I thought about writing something all patriotic today, because really, I am quite patriotic (goes with being a military brat I suppose). But then I sat down at the computer and decided I don't feel like writing anything patriotic today. I put my flag out today, I wore my flag pin over my heart. I wrote something sort of patriotic here. So if you want patriotism today read this instead.
I've been thinking about friends lately. Past, current, future. I'm not sure how I know if someone's a friend these days. It used to be so easy as a kid...as evidenced by M, who promptly goes up to whatever child at the playground she thinks is the most fun and says "Hi, want to be my friend?"

I remember having a lot of friends in elementary school...and sort of a lot in junior high (7-9th grade at the time), and fewer in high school. That's not to say that I didn't have plenty of people to hang out with or party with, but I didn't consider them friends.

One of my high school friends was also named Heather and we had a set of notebooks that we wrote notes in back and forth. We titled them "The Heathers" and we reached Volume V or VI before we graduated. We put to paper some intimate stuff...and I burned those notebooks just before I got married...because I wanted to release myself from the past. (My past...it's more interesting than it should be.) I probably should have kept those notebooks.

As an adult (college to now) I've formed few friendships. Maybe I need to redefine friendship. To me, a real friend is someone who you share things with you'd never tell most people...and that person doesn't think you're weird, usually says something like "me too!", and then shares something equally embarrassing or weird to which you respond "me too!"

Besides my SIL, (who, I've already said is sort-of stuck with me to be my friend) I really only have one friend. Isn't that sad? And Rachel, I love you man. Wish we talked more. Darn husbands who get jobs in other cities. You really belong here, with me...Ha! (I spotted you!)

If it wasn't for my kids, and the ECFE classes we've participated in, I wouldn't even have acquaintances anymore. But even most of those attempts at friendships have floundered and failed. With M's first playgroup I thought we had formed some nice bonds, but out of 10 families, we talk to 2. And only occasionally. K's playgroup we've faired better, but the kids are still young. So far I still talk to, or am in touch with through email, every family in his playgroup. (Which we started when he was about 6 months old.)

I've been sort of desperate to find at least one fellow mommy who is local to get together with and talk about everything. I even started a local Yahoo group for moms with preschool-aged kids. I've met 2 new moms there, but no real connections with either of them.

Honestly, I'm one of those "quiet" people. But only if I don't feel really comfortable. You'll notice my talking increases exponentially with my comfort level. It takes me a loooooonnnnnggg time to feel comfortable in social settings. This is why God gave me M. She is Miss Social Butterfly. If we have people over, M is the first to offer a drink, or a stick of string cheese. All the best from my little hostess. I have been "forced" to meet more people because of her. It's terrifying for me sometimes, but I know it's good for me as well.

Making friends as an adult really is a bit like dating...like I read on someone's blog...(I apologize, I don't remember whose) you need to find that right chemistry. There have been a few moms that I thought I might have that chemistry with. They've moved away (darn that Mayo Clinic) or they've been really busy...or they just weren't that into me. On the bright side, there are still some potential moms out there.

But add kids and it's not just the Mom chemistry, you have to make sure your kids don't want to kill one another. And you have to share similar parenting philosophies, and struggles. And you have to have time...to get together...to talk...to form those bonds.

It's almost impossible. But I keep hoping.