Monday, December 28, 2009

Moving On

The passing of another anniversary of Jesus' birth and the appearance and subsequent disappearance of the jolly fat man in the red suit has left me more relieved rather than the usual post-holiday let down. I left too many things to the last minute this year and the stress of trying to do it all and maintain a supervisory role over my children took a toll.

I made a spur-of-the-moment appointment to see our family physician to see if there was a reason that I keep getting strep throat other than the fact that I'm not taking care of myself like I should. The short answer is that I need to start taking better care of myself. I need to stop staying up late at night but I have trouble getting to sleep. My mind continues to mull over the day behind me and the day ahead long after I need my mind to take a rest. So the first step in "fixing" me is that I'm to start taking prescription sleep aids for a few weeks. I haven't started them yet, because I'm stupid and I like to procrastinate. I also had some blood tests run to check out some other issues that are going on. The results of those tests will determine what other actions or medications might be in order.

Giving in and going to see my doctor feels wimpy and weak to me. I'm not sure why, but it does. But I can't keep getting sick. I'm not good at asking for or accepting help for anything. Don't try to tell me I can't do everything I want to do because that will make me dig my feet in and try to do more. More is never enough either.

Yet I write this and look around my house and see all that I do not get done. Our dining room table is piled with my card and scrapbooking supplies. The kitchen counters are littered with the 17619 papers that M and K bring home from school. The laundry baskets always seem to be overflowing with clothes that I have yet to put away. I suppose the clutter of my home reflects the clutter in my mind. Clear one, perhaps I can clear the other, though I'm not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg.

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Jules said...

I hear you on the clutter - it seems I can't get a handle on the organization within my house. I know that everything has a place, but it just doesn't seem to get there...grrr.

for a different kind of girl said...

Oh, hun, it's not weak. You have to do what you can to take care of you so you will be able to take care of the other things around you! I mean, I know what you mean when you mention the clutter. OMG, seriously, I live with three people who are not swayed by stuff, whereas I lose my mind as a result of it, so I spend a lot of my days pushing piles and trying to make dents, only to turn around and find new ones. I know that I have neglected myself because I've been so busy trying to take care of other people and other things. I need to seriously put me toward the top of the list in this new year, and I need to start by making a doctor's appointment for a complete physical.

chelle said...

I so feel the same way this holiday season with the relief. I too left it too late and was scrambling. Not fun.

I am so sorry you are so run down :( Take care of yourself!!!! You are so important.

Try to tackle things one at a time. I make lists at night to help me clear my head before bed.

CT Mom said...

You can't give or do your best if you aren't taking care of yourself. Good health is the best Christmas gift you can give to yourself and your family. It's not weak at all!

As for the clutter, well, right now my house is cleaned up because we just had a party. So please don't look in my guest room. Or the storage room in the basement. Or the garage. It will all migrate back into the house soon.

Thanks :-)

mominsanity said...

Totally not weak. I can totally empathize. Lately, over the past 9 months or so, I've been getting pretty sick at least once a month - from anything from sinus infections to pink eye and once, the flu (I'm pretty sure). And I'm going through the what is wrong with me that is making me more likely to get sick thing right now and it's quite stressful.

I don't think it's weak to want to feel well and to try to figure out how to feel well. And in the US, you have to go to the doctor to start the process a lot of times. Rock on!

magda said...

Hey Heather. Sorry you are feeling weak. Your voice and words are one of a strong and wise woman, even while expressing feelings that suggest otherwise. The mental and physical clutter is menacing and can get totally out of control. Me,So not trying to give advice. But I want to share something that helps me when I am stuck, which is more often than not. Find the smallest most doable task and regardless of its urgency or import, just do it. Start there. Because the satisfaction and confidence that come with initiating and completing something, anything, are great motivators to keep chipping away. Soooo many times, I want to tackle the giant and growing messes and so I neglect everything while I agonize and spin my wheels and beat myself up for acting so freaking helpless. Mean while piles and stacks grow as my self esteem and confidence shrink at equal rates. Feel free to delete comment and ban me for feigning helpfulness or wisdom.

magda said...

Also, before my banishment, I need to weasel in another non-advice type comment. Sleeplessness and fatigue are huge because not only do you not physically and mentally re-generate, but if you are like me. (God, I hope you are not.) You are unable to use those waking hours to take care of everything or to think relaxing and positive thoughts. It totally chips away at your self-esteem and...Well, sleep is a must. Whatever it takes to get some, just do it.

Madeline said...

That's not weak. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of those little ones. I hope you are feeling better soon.

Holly at Tropic of Mom said...

Gosh, I could have written most of what you posted. It's important to be healthy -- take care of you! I know it's easier said than done. I am behind in a lot of my usual doctor appointments too. I should take a cue from you and call them for checkups.

Kristen@nosmallthing said...

Been there. I'm there a lot, actually. For me, lists help. If there is something on a list, I'll likely do it. If not, forget it. The fatigue is my problem. The Man says if I just exercised, I would probably feel more energetic. Mmhmm. I think he's right, but I would like to know where I'm supposed to fit that exercise thing into my day.

So for now, I have learned to live with the clutter to some degree. To live with the dust. It's just a work in progress, and though I used to HATE it, I have learned that I just have to live with it, for now. Until the kids are old enough to do more. Or I can afford a maid. :)

Good luck.

mayberry said...

I agree, Heather, if you get some sleep you will feel more energy to tackle some of the clutter. Plus let's not forget you are living in a construction zone! That has to have an effect too. Good luck & take care.

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