Monday, September 21, 2009

Nostalgia

As I've confessed before, my children have most often napped in my lap. I know I'm not supposed to do that, nor am I supposed to rock the baby to sleep but I do. These babies grow at an alarming rate, where once each child could fit snugly from head to toe on my ample lap, soon the legs trail off my right thigh. Before I know it there are arms and legs too long to fit anywhere snugly.

Which is to say I like to savor my babies.

Recently I've started to watch A Baby Story while Ms. D naps in my lap. Each birth brings a tear to my eye as I watch. I'm a sentimental fool and I feel the joy of each of these new parents.

The emergent cesareans and scheduled repeat c-sections can transport me to each of my own children's births in moments. I smell the stale scent of the oxygen mask, feel the prick of the spinal that makes me jerk my back suddenly, shiver a little with the cold and warm with the weight of the heated blankets. I feel the pulling in my stomach and can sense my body shake as the doctors push and pull to bring my baby into the world.

You can't tell me I'm less of a mother for how I gave birth. It was beautiful and unforgettable each time. I will feel a tinge of sadness for a few more years that my baby days are quickly falling into my past, but my children bring me such pleasure as I learn more and more about what makes these people I carried inside me who they really are.

In the words of Don Draper: "He's only a baby. We don't know who he is yet, or who he's going to be. And that's a beautiful thing."

It is indeed.

3 people like me!:

mayberry said...

whoa, heated blankets - total sense memory! c-section mom 2x over here. Actually, c-section PLUS labor. I don't recommend that.

Oh, and I still "dance" my 4.5 YEAR OLD to sleep at night. Yeah, I know I'm not supposed to.

Madeline said...

The "supposed" tos are highly overrated. I still nurse my nearly 2 year old to sleep. We both enjoy the snuggling time, and I love that it puts him soundly to sleep with no fuss. I think it's the mark of a good mother to savor her babies even as they become too big for her lap. Good for you for savoring yours!
As for C-sections...I have awful memories of mine, and truly want to do it another way if I'm ever blessed with a next go round. But, heck no it doesn't make any of us less motherly. We went through a lot to get these babies here!

chelle said...

pssshaaa I totally rock my babies to sleep, I cuddle them and stick close to them. Geez they run off and grow up so fast you have to hang on when you can!

pffft on the method of delivery. Says nothing of what is to come.

 
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