I'm frustrated.
These summer days, fleeting for all of us in Minnesota, pass even more quickly for our family now that we have our kids enrolled in the "year round" school. Those three-week breaks during the school year are wonderful. It gives me time to take my kids to the zoo, to bake cookies, to do all the things we wouldn't get to do if they were in school. But the start of school comes so soon. Summer is stripped to six short weeks for us. It passes before I know what's happened.
I have plans of adventures I'd like to go on. And we would go on them. We would. I'd go a place a day if I had to to fit it all in. But my kids can't handle it.
I'm frustrated because I want us to have a ton of fun these last days before school starts but instead my children are fighting and sassing and I'm responding by yelling and saying things I shouldn't say.
I don't know how to fix it, how to reclaim the fun and spontaneity of summer. I don't know how to get out of this grouchy, yelly funk. This is not how I thought summer would be this year.
Soon I'll be home with only Ms. D. While I was pregnant with her, I experienced life with only one child at home again, but it was as a tired, rotund, lazy pregnant woman. I don't know what I'll do with just the baby at home. Probably a lot less than I'd like to do! I think I squandered the days when M and K were both at home and could play together. I should have gotten a lot done.
But for now, they are home together and cannot get along for more than one hour at a time. There has been hitting, kicking, wrestling...even biting. They are tired. No. Exhausted. But we get them into bed early and they fight sleep tooth and nail, getting out of bed with excuse after excuse...or no excuse, just a blatant disregard for parental authority.
What? Oh that's right. I don't have any parental authority. I told my kids that I must be the most awful mother in the world because they don't seem to learn the things that I need to teach them. That I told my kids that? Pretty much clinches that I suck as a mom.
Some people believe that children go through phases of equilibrium (agreeable, mellow) and disequilibrium (brats). The chart that I've seen shows a spiral of equilibrium on the half-years and disequilibrium on the whole years. I think. God I hope I have it backwards because if my kids are in equilibrium right now? ::waving white flag:: I give up.
I give up but I don't. I can't give up because I love these little monsters and I want them to be good people. I fear that I am failing them.
I know that the argument will be that I am a good mom because I care, and yeah, I see that argument, but caring only gets you so far. I am failing and I don't know what to do. I am not as zen as I should be. I lose my temper more than I should. My kids learn THIS from me with no problem whatsoever.
It is a little weird when a 13-month-old listens to her parents better than an almost-5-year-old and an almost-7-year-old.
I do think that the sleep issue is a lot of the problem. Perhaps I should give them some diphenhydramine? (ha ha! I kid! I think.)
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
9 people like me!:
I feel like this a LOT of the time. I hear you -- it is SO frustrating. Positive attention would probably help (speaking about my own situation here) but it's hard to be motivated to give positive attention when they are acting up to attract negative attention, you know?!
ok first BIG HUGS!
So hard to balance I know. I hate the feeling of failing and often for me it makes it worse because then I am all worked up about me. It is so hard to MAKE them get that we are giving them all that we can...that these are the BEST days of their lives. They do not have the same perceptions we do. I often complained to a friend that Becca did not appreciate me. She told me that she wouldn't because she doesn't have a frame of reference without me. Our kids totally take us for granted because we are always there. It is part of the process. They will understand when they have kids of their own (ugh hate that cliche eh?)
Hang in there. Take some time for yourself to rejuvenate and refresh yourself, get a pedicure, hairstyle, spa day ... something really really diva selfish :)
We are so off our sleep patterns for the summer. Seems my kiddos are always cranky because if it. More sleep, that's what I say;)
That is so frustrating. Even with one I have days when I just want to surrender. I know the feeling must be amplified with more kiddos. I wish I had advice for you. You might be on to something with the sleep thing, but that's such a tricky one to fix. I hope and pray that you find peace about the situation...and a solution. Hugs to you. And, you so don't suck as a mom.
I totally get this. When my girls were 6 and 3, I was SAHM for the whole summer, trying to manage them plus a major kitchen renovation. The stress was so bad I had migraines every day. I couldn't understand why this time should be harder - summer is carefree days, fun all the time, right?
A friend gave me some good advice. She told me that school schedules give a structure to the day, so I should do the same during the summer. Meals, play time, quiet time in a predictable schedule. Not strict to the minute, but enough so that the girls knew what to expect next. I tried it, and it really worked. Yes, they still fought and pulled their usual tricks, but for some reason it was calmer, less stressful. Even now that they are 11 and 8, there is still a general structure to the day. I work from home so I have a college student come each day, and there is a routine to wake up time, meals, chores, fun time. We've had a pretty relaxing summer so far.
Hope this helps!
I am feeling a bit of this too. I am so frustrated with a child that knows how to potty who will not. I have an excessively defiant five year old. Right now the only kid I am not frustrated with is the baby even though he is not sleeping through the night. Hang in there, I think things get better, after all we made it to adulthood.
"I must be the most awful mother in the world because they don't seem to learn the things that I need to teach them." I feel this way about my toddler too! Especially now that my butt is planted on the couch while my newborn and I figure out breastfeeding -- but even before the baby was born, I felt this way toward my toddler. Sometimes I think I give up too easily. But as you said, I'm the mom -- I can't give up.
My eldest is enrolled in a school with the same kind of schedule as what your kids have. Sometimes I also feel he won't have "summer memories" like I used to have.
Don't feel too awful. It's totally OK to feel that way. Raising 3 kids is not easy. But hey, I know you will pull through. =)
Try not to be so hard on yourself. It's tough with a houseful of kids that expect you to entertain them all day long. I find myself constantly on a daily basis yelling at my kids, and it doesn't feel good. My sons bicker all the time. But I think it is what it is. Don't beat yourself up over it.
Post a Comment