Does Miss Manners have an opinion on that?

You’ve been there, haven’t you?

You’ve been the parent of the kid who reacts inappropriately to bodily functions, haven’t you?

My kids dissolve into giggles at the mere suggestion of passing gas.

My kids fart. A lot. Then laugh about it…even if they’re sitting at the snack tables at their schools. Where do they get it from? (The laughing, not the farting…I think we can all surmise where the gas comes from.)

Well, me. (Again, the laughing, not the farting.) And Craig. And the rest of our family. We’re a classy bunch. We laugh about farting, because you know, it’s funny. (Especially when you launch a sneak attack and blame it on the cat.)

Were you looking for an intelligent blog post to read? None here!

I’m recalling a comment from a parent in M’s preschool. I can’t remember if the remark was made in the group setting or if it was a side conversation, but her concern was basically that her child had been embarrassed at the snack table because the child farted and the other kids laughed. (I honestly do not remember who said this so if it’s you please don’t be offended.) The thing I am certain of is that I had no reply because I knew M would have been among the first to laugh, and probably point as well. (She may have even thrown in a “good one” for encouragement.)

I’ve already established that I’m teaching my children to be crude, but what should I be teaching them?

As adults, when an acquaintance lets one loose, we all politely pretend we didn’t hear it, then try to not breathe until the air is clear so that we don’t have to suffer the smell as well as the awkward silence about the elephant in the room.

Kids are not tactful like that. Although I can tell mine to ignore a toot until I’m blue in the face (tee hee), they will naturally laugh before their brains register that they’re supposed to (essentially) lie and pretend they didn’t hear. I suspect this will come with time. (Although it hasn’t worked for many adults…me included.)

What about when they, themselves, are the farters? What should I be teaching them to do or say? Ignore it? Pretend it was the person next to them? Blame it on the chair or their shoes? Say “I’m sorry” or “excuse me?”

What does Miss Manners think?

Well, she does, indeed have an opinion. I let my fingers do the googling and here’s what she said:
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Dear Miss Manners,
Let's say someone passes gas. They say, "Excuse me." Do you say, "You are excused"? My wife does this … I find it strange.

Gentle Reader,
Miss Manners has something even stranger for you: Etiquette's way of dealing with things that shouldn't happen is to pretend that they didn't.

So you—or, rather, that unfortunate "someone"—need not say, "Excuse me." And you are right that the response of "You are excused" has an unnecessarily imperious feel to it, as if you could equally well have refused.

Admittedly, the definition of things that shouldn't happen is arbitrary. Passing gas meets the definition, although, oddly enough, burping does not—unless you are doing it on purpose, in which case stop that this very minute.

(Here’s the link to where I found this: http://lifestyle.msn.com/Relationships/Article.aspx?cp-documentid=26661)
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So there we have it. Ignore, ignore, ignore. And don’t smell.

And don’t expect the cat to say “excuse me” either.